This year I will be participating in the Tour de Cure, which is a cycling fund-raising event for the American Diabetes Association (ADA). If any of you would be interested in sponsoring me the below link will allow you to make credit/debit donations, or you can give other forms of donations directly to me. (The link is accessible through our intranet.) Certainly don’t feel obligated to donate anything! Every donation, regardless of size, will be appreciated.
http://main.diabetes.org/site/TR?pg=personal&fr_id=5026&px=4167632
Why I am doing this:
I try to do my part to help organizations that I believe in. I also, REALLY enjoy riding my bike. In regard to the ADA specifically, this Mother’s Day marks the 28th anniversary of my Grandma’s death. Seeing that I am currently 27, it is understood that my Grandma passed away months before I was born. My mother is also diabetic. Organizations like the ADA help to advance research and technologies that will hopefully allow my mother the opportunity to be on this earth long enough to meet my children.
I have to raise at least $150 to participate in the ride. However, my current goal is set at $1,550. In reality I just want to raise as much as I can, because I do really believe in this organization. I have no problem with paying the $150 out of my pocket. I just want to do this 50k ride and at the end feel like I did everything that I could to further the efforts of the organization. I don’t really care if at the end of the day I only have $150 that came out of my pocket. So honestly, DO NOT feel obligated.
Thanks,
Evan
P.S. Feel free to forward this if you know of someone else that might be interested in the event in any way.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Final Project
I had quite a few different ideas for the final project. I was going back on doing the green thing or re-doing the N190 thing. Ultimately, I have decided to use my onion project for my final project. For one, I had planned on showing my onion project along with my final project and my research from the book. Then I thought about how long it would take me to do all three. Not that it would be too horribly long, but everyone is supposed to be doing two presentations. I’m not sure how it’s all going to fit. Anyway, the onion project didn’t really turn out like I wanted it to. In reality, I think it will play out better as my final project.
My onion project comes courtesy of a ‘friend’. He fails to grow. His life has been a process of repeating the same things over and over and over again, only to realize that the same things keep happening. His life is agonizing. To him at least; to me, well, I don’t really care anymore. Why should I continue to help a person who just puts himself back in the same place? Do you really want help? You ask for it, but you never really do anything with it. Every time I see him, it’s like there is a little less. Maybe it’s because his life is actually decaying, or maybe I just get a little further away from him with each passing day. So maybe it’s not actually decay, maybe its lack of growth. I’m not sure that lack of growth is any better though.
My onion project comes courtesy of a ‘friend’. He fails to grow. His life has been a process of repeating the same things over and over and over again, only to realize that the same things keep happening. His life is agonizing. To him at least; to me, well, I don’t really care anymore. Why should I continue to help a person who just puts himself back in the same place? Do you really want help? You ask for it, but you never really do anything with it. Every time I see him, it’s like there is a little less. Maybe it’s because his life is actually decaying, or maybe I just get a little further away from him with each passing day. So maybe it’s not actually decay, maybe its lack of growth. I’m not sure that lack of growth is any better though.
I'm in LOVE with a car
I'm in love with a car.... and here it is
http://www.think.no/think/Press-Pictures/Picture-gallery/Movies/TH!NK-Ox-film
Sheer beauty and eco grace
http://www.think.no/think/Press-Pictures/Picture-gallery/Movies/TH!NK-Ox-film
Sheer beauty and eco grace
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Sue Crolick
For my research from the books assignment I have chosen Sue Crolick.
A Smile in the Mind... pages 56, 102, 110, 113, 132, 135
Sue Crolick: a successful advertising art director turns big sister-esque art buddy
Sue's work reminded me a lot of some artists that used to run an after-school children's program that I would attend in Evansville. It was focused on inner-city kids. It gave kids the opportunity to do something positive instead of activities that negatively affect our society. When I first started attending the program it was a general after-school program that helped you with homework and let you play... supervised. However, the director was an artist, and eventually she collected other artists and gave the program an art focus. I had no interest in art people I started that program. That's where I learned that art is whatever you want it to be. That it is EXTREMELY broad, and it's about the process, and personal meaning, and expression, and it's never right or wrong... it just is.
Later I learned that in reality that's a bubble.
Nonetheless, everyone should be able to experience that bubble at least once. I did. And I guess once you learn it, you will never forget it.
http://www.artbuddies.org/video.asp
Go'on whit cha bad self, Sue.
http://www.turner.com/planet/credit-song.html
A Smile in the Mind... pages 56, 102, 110, 113, 132, 135
Sue Crolick: a successful advertising art director turns big sister-esque art buddy
Sue's work reminded me a lot of some artists that used to run an after-school children's program that I would attend in Evansville. It was focused on inner-city kids. It gave kids the opportunity to do something positive instead of activities that negatively affect our society. When I first started attending the program it was a general after-school program that helped you with homework and let you play... supervised. However, the director was an artist, and eventually she collected other artists and gave the program an art focus. I had no interest in art people I started that program. That's where I learned that art is whatever you want it to be. That it is EXTREMELY broad, and it's about the process, and personal meaning, and expression, and it's never right or wrong... it just is.
Later I learned that in reality that's a bubble.
Nonetheless, everyone should be able to experience that bubble at least once. I did. And I guess once you learn it, you will never forget it.
http://www.artbuddies.org/video.asp
Go'on whit cha bad self, Sue.
http://www.turner.com/planet/credit-song.html
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Connections
Connection in the ‘supply and demand’ sense
Wow. I didn’t even look at the connections assignment until today. So weird. I don’t know if today was an especially good day to think about connections… or maybe it’s just something that is always in my face. In regard to work I am an inventory guru. This morning I was lucky enough to actually do the job I accepted a couple of years ago. I helped a sales rep, who is in pursuit of a promotion, complete a physical inventory count this morning. I felt like his connection. Not just a connection to the information and assistance that he needed but also his connection to where he wants to go with the company.
Connection in the 'similar' sense
Before he and I could finish his inventory my ‘boss’ and a co-worker came to check in, which brings me to a different connection. With the co-worker I feel like we have a sibling-like connection. We are likely to through each other under the bus, but we will always have each other’s back. We have a ton of fun together. We have a very similar sense of humor, which allows us to connect on a friendly level first. We have a good time together.
Connection in the ‘long ties that bind’ sense
Then there is my ‘boss,’ whom I have worked with for more than 6 years now. Last night she told me that she is pregnant again, which I am super excited about. I wanted to talk to her about it when I saw her, but she told me it was a secret. I suspect that I was the only one at that location who knew, so it would have been a horrible time for me to speak to her about it.
Connection in the ‘linked’ sense
After leaving that location I went to a store just up the street to convince another co-worker to grab some lunch with me. I have known her for a long time, but we have only become really close in the last year. I dated a woman a couple years ago who later ended up working for the company as well. She ended up working with the co-worker I had planned to grab lunch with. My co-worker, who I’ll call S, got to know my ex-girlfriend pretty well. I think S then felt as if she need more about me, or better understood me based on her experience with my ex-girlfriend. S and my ex are still pretty good friend. I guess because my ex is an amazing person than I had to be an amazing person as well. At least, that’s what I think S thinks.
Connection in the ‘needed’ sense
S and I have been talking a lot about her life lately. She’s not really happy. I feel like I am constantly offering her advice, suggestions and just sharing things about my life and experiences. Today I was talking to her about how crazy I am about gardening. I have been toying with the idea of gardening for a long time, but have never really done anything about it. Something apparently bit me in the ass this year, and I have been working like a maniac to start a garden. I feel like all I want to do is watch my plants grow. They need so much time and attention that some days it does seem like that is all I have done. I have to make sure they have the right amount of water and light and keep them warm.
Wow. I didn’t even look at the connections assignment until today. So weird. I don’t know if today was an especially good day to think about connections… or maybe it’s just something that is always in my face. In regard to work I am an inventory guru. This morning I was lucky enough to actually do the job I accepted a couple of years ago. I helped a sales rep, who is in pursuit of a promotion, complete a physical inventory count this morning. I felt like his connection. Not just a connection to the information and assistance that he needed but also his connection to where he wants to go with the company.
Connection in the 'similar' sense
Before he and I could finish his inventory my ‘boss’ and a co-worker came to check in, which brings me to a different connection. With the co-worker I feel like we have a sibling-like connection. We are likely to through each other under the bus, but we will always have each other’s back. We have a ton of fun together. We have a very similar sense of humor, which allows us to connect on a friendly level first. We have a good time together.
Connection in the ‘long ties that bind’ sense
Then there is my ‘boss,’ whom I have worked with for more than 6 years now. Last night she told me that she is pregnant again, which I am super excited about. I wanted to talk to her about it when I saw her, but she told me it was a secret. I suspect that I was the only one at that location who knew, so it would have been a horrible time for me to speak to her about it.
Connection in the ‘linked’ sense
After leaving that location I went to a store just up the street to convince another co-worker to grab some lunch with me. I have known her for a long time, but we have only become really close in the last year. I dated a woman a couple years ago who later ended up working for the company as well. She ended up working with the co-worker I had planned to grab lunch with. My co-worker, who I’ll call S, got to know my ex-girlfriend pretty well. I think S then felt as if she need more about me, or better understood me based on her experience with my ex-girlfriend. S and my ex are still pretty good friend. I guess because my ex is an amazing person than I had to be an amazing person as well. At least, that’s what I think S thinks.
Connection in the ‘needed’ sense
S and I have been talking a lot about her life lately. She’s not really happy. I feel like I am constantly offering her advice, suggestions and just sharing things about my life and experiences. Today I was talking to her about how crazy I am about gardening. I have been toying with the idea of gardening for a long time, but have never really done anything about it. Something apparently bit me in the ass this year, and I have been working like a maniac to start a garden. I feel like all I want to do is watch my plants grow. They need so much time and attention that some days it does seem like that is all I have done. I have to make sure they have the right amount of water and light and keep them warm.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Freak gets and "A" in my book
So I finally have learned the real name of “Freak,” as it turns out his legal name is Joshua Ahrens. For this assignment Freak decided to write “No One” on a piece of tape and stick it to his paper, which he later balled up and stuck two pencils in (in the shape of an ‘X’ of course.) To top it all off, he then dug a hole and buried it.
Initially I wasn’t really sure how to take Freak’s assignment. How do you grade someone on his or her representation of his or her self? I sat down on a picnic table to think about it a little longer. I tore a small piece of paper out of my notebook and wrote on it, “How can no one leave a mark?”
I then started thinking more and more about what he had to say. I didn’t really agree with what he said. I feel like he will probably be the most memorable person from the class. Ten years down the road I’ll be talking about this course that bored me to death. I will remember nothing except, “There was this guy, we called him Freak…”
Anyway, I really started to look deeper into his project. Then it started to make since to me. I’m sure it probably wasn’t intentional, but there was quite a bit of symbolism in his project. I think inside he might really feel like he is ‘no one.’ Maybe that’s something that he wants to ball up and bury deep inside of him. Maybe he’s had to deal with other’s telling him that he is ‘no one’. Which seems so different from the Freak we see in class. He seems extremely confident in himself and fearless. Not in the sense that he would try to cut someone, more in the sense that you would need to watch what you dare him to do because it’s as good as done. That’s why it was hard for me to agree with him when he said he was ‘no one’. The Freak we see in class is certainly full of life and seemingly self-assured.
When I take it all in, and try to analyze, it makes sense to me. If this project is really Joshua Ahrens on paper, then this was a very real project. What the project says to me is that Joshua has a low self-image of himself and Freak overcompensates.
Maybe I am completely wrong, but that’s what I think. It’s possible, however, that I see it in that sense, because I relate to it. When I was younger I was extremely depressed, eventually I was standing on the suicidal line. On the outside, you would have never guessed it. I was the happiest person you had ever met. Inside, I was in agony. The only real sign was my writing. Which I didn’t even know was a sign. I didn’t really let anyone read, but the few that did were like, ‘wow, we need to get you some help.’ I really had no idea how sad I was.
So enough about me; I guess I am looking at his project like a contemporary art piece. This is what I get from it. Which really makes me think twice about how we look at art. It’s important that people can relate to it, regardless if that’s what you meant or not. I mean, kind of like R.E.M songs. Most of the time you have no idea was Michael Stipes is saying, but you feel it. He could be singing about how chicken shit is stinky, who knows, but you feel it. Art speaks to us, but only when we can hear it. When it relates to us, when it’s something we understand and can comprehend. That’s what we are missing in this class: Relatability. If we could relate the Art 21 stuff to ourselves, it would be meaningful to us. Maybe the class doesn’t know itself. If we did then we could appreciate the class more. I understand the ‘it works if you work it’ argument, but I don’t, personally, feel that is the case. We need to have commonality in the class. We haven’t even gotten an opportunity to really get to know each other. After today, I now officially know one more person’s name…, which takes me up to maybe knowing 5 people’s name. Maybe. I think we need to know secrets. If we could take off for a while around the building, right down a secret, then through it in a hat. Random people draw it out of the hat and read it aloud, or something.
So I’m going on track. The moral of the story, I would give Freak an “A”. Regardless if it had much meaning for him, I think it had a very deep meaning to me. In my eyes, it seemed like it was a pretty naked moment. The beauty of it all, is that it doesn’t really matter what he meant, because I get to own it now…. We all do. Like deleting Damon’s art. We all own that experience. We are the only one’s that know what was there.
Initially I wasn’t really sure how to take Freak’s assignment. How do you grade someone on his or her representation of his or her self? I sat down on a picnic table to think about it a little longer. I tore a small piece of paper out of my notebook and wrote on it, “How can no one leave a mark?”
I then started thinking more and more about what he had to say. I didn’t really agree with what he said. I feel like he will probably be the most memorable person from the class. Ten years down the road I’ll be talking about this course that bored me to death. I will remember nothing except, “There was this guy, we called him Freak…”
Anyway, I really started to look deeper into his project. Then it started to make since to me. I’m sure it probably wasn’t intentional, but there was quite a bit of symbolism in his project. I think inside he might really feel like he is ‘no one.’ Maybe that’s something that he wants to ball up and bury deep inside of him. Maybe he’s had to deal with other’s telling him that he is ‘no one’. Which seems so different from the Freak we see in class. He seems extremely confident in himself and fearless. Not in the sense that he would try to cut someone, more in the sense that you would need to watch what you dare him to do because it’s as good as done. That’s why it was hard for me to agree with him when he said he was ‘no one’. The Freak we see in class is certainly full of life and seemingly self-assured.
When I take it all in, and try to analyze, it makes sense to me. If this project is really Joshua Ahrens on paper, then this was a very real project. What the project says to me is that Joshua has a low self-image of himself and Freak overcompensates.
Maybe I am completely wrong, but that’s what I think. It’s possible, however, that I see it in that sense, because I relate to it. When I was younger I was extremely depressed, eventually I was standing on the suicidal line. On the outside, you would have never guessed it. I was the happiest person you had ever met. Inside, I was in agony. The only real sign was my writing. Which I didn’t even know was a sign. I didn’t really let anyone read, but the few that did were like, ‘wow, we need to get you some help.’ I really had no idea how sad I was.
So enough about me; I guess I am looking at his project like a contemporary art piece. This is what I get from it. Which really makes me think twice about how we look at art. It’s important that people can relate to it, regardless if that’s what you meant or not. I mean, kind of like R.E.M songs. Most of the time you have no idea was Michael Stipes is saying, but you feel it. He could be singing about how chicken shit is stinky, who knows, but you feel it. Art speaks to us, but only when we can hear it. When it relates to us, when it’s something we understand and can comprehend. That’s what we are missing in this class: Relatability. If we could relate the Art 21 stuff to ourselves, it would be meaningful to us. Maybe the class doesn’t know itself. If we did then we could appreciate the class more. I understand the ‘it works if you work it’ argument, but I don’t, personally, feel that is the case. We need to have commonality in the class. We haven’t even gotten an opportunity to really get to know each other. After today, I now officially know one more person’s name…, which takes me up to maybe knowing 5 people’s name. Maybe. I think we need to know secrets. If we could take off for a while around the building, right down a secret, then through it in a hat. Random people draw it out of the hat and read it aloud, or something.
So I’m going on track. The moral of the story, I would give Freak an “A”. Regardless if it had much meaning for him, I think it had a very deep meaning to me. In my eyes, it seemed like it was a pretty naked moment. The beauty of it all, is that it doesn’t really matter what he meant, because I get to own it now…. We all do. Like deleting Damon’s art. We all own that experience. We are the only one’s that know what was there.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
3-31 class
I try, I really do, but I really hate this class. I just don't get why it gets under my skin so much.
In yesterday's class, I really appreciated the smaller groups. I got to talk to a few more people. I started to better understand the personalities of a few of the students. I gained more respect for the individuals in the class. I had fun. I also appreciated the opportunity to have others get to know me a little bit better. Now, there are at least 2 people who don't think I'm a jackass. LOL. That's progress. LOL.
The age gap frustrates me. I think if I would have taken this class in the summer I would have probably liked it a little better. Summer session students seem to be a little more mature I have noticed. Someone made the comment, "I remember the 80's," then went on to say, "I'm 23." Really? What do you remember, shitting in your diaper? I can't relate to, what seems to be, a majority of the class. In reality, I think it's just some of the more vocal students that I can't relate to. When I hear some of the things said in the class I think, "Wow, I really can't be bother to continue to listen to what you are saying... or will say in the future, i think I have maxed out on you." Then I think, "Maybe I really do hate people." LMAO. Which certainly isn't truthful. I'm honest, extremely honest... and vocal I suppose. To my girlfriend, that I tell everything to, she thinks I don't like people because of the comments I make. Well, I don't know if she really feels that way, but she occasionally tells me that... right after I have finished telling her about how someone really bothers me of course. In most cases, it's the same people. As a whole, I really love people... but I do continued to be placed in situations with people I don't like. That's life. The thing is, I have no problem admitting and accepting that I don't like someone.
Maybe that's the difference. In class yesterday when I saw the sketch I wanted to comment on it. I didn't like it. I thought it was a failed attempt. His sketch communicated a lot less than the gentleman's video did before him. However, because you expressed your feelings then everyone else decided they needed to lick his ass as well. Everyone runs with your ideas or notions. In my head I was thinking, wow, this is like every other class but worse. In most classes, the majority of students have no interest in trying to agree with the instructor. It seems like they want to disagree just for the sake of defying authority. Not in this class though. I guess people don't feel comfortable in what they are supposed to do or something... so they just try to align with you. I mean, why were we talking about how this guy's personal onion sketch could be turned into a website?
Why do we need to repeat the same things that someone said right before us? Are we really that stuck on ourselves to think that us saying it means so much more. "Maybe you didn't get it when the 6 people before me said it, but I am going to really bring it home." What is that about. I feel like I have an opinion on everything but I only speak with no one else will or when I feel I have a contradictory opinion to voice.
If the goal is to create a lot of little Beth Lykins, then I think the class is a success. Free thinking has long left the station.
In yesterday's class, I really appreciated the smaller groups. I got to talk to a few more people. I started to better understand the personalities of a few of the students. I gained more respect for the individuals in the class. I had fun. I also appreciated the opportunity to have others get to know me a little bit better. Now, there are at least 2 people who don't think I'm a jackass. LOL. That's progress. LOL.
The age gap frustrates me. I think if I would have taken this class in the summer I would have probably liked it a little better. Summer session students seem to be a little more mature I have noticed. Someone made the comment, "I remember the 80's," then went on to say, "I'm 23." Really? What do you remember, shitting in your diaper? I can't relate to, what seems to be, a majority of the class. In reality, I think it's just some of the more vocal students that I can't relate to. When I hear some of the things said in the class I think, "Wow, I really can't be bother to continue to listen to what you are saying... or will say in the future, i think I have maxed out on you." Then I think, "Maybe I really do hate people." LMAO. Which certainly isn't truthful. I'm honest, extremely honest... and vocal I suppose. To my girlfriend, that I tell everything to, she thinks I don't like people because of the comments I make. Well, I don't know if she really feels that way, but she occasionally tells me that... right after I have finished telling her about how someone really bothers me of course. In most cases, it's the same people. As a whole, I really love people... but I do continued to be placed in situations with people I don't like. That's life. The thing is, I have no problem admitting and accepting that I don't like someone.
Maybe that's the difference. In class yesterday when I saw the sketch I wanted to comment on it. I didn't like it. I thought it was a failed attempt. His sketch communicated a lot less than the gentleman's video did before him. However, because you expressed your feelings then everyone else decided they needed to lick his ass as well. Everyone runs with your ideas or notions. In my head I was thinking, wow, this is like every other class but worse. In most classes, the majority of students have no interest in trying to agree with the instructor. It seems like they want to disagree just for the sake of defying authority. Not in this class though. I guess people don't feel comfortable in what they are supposed to do or something... so they just try to align with you. I mean, why were we talking about how this guy's personal onion sketch could be turned into a website?
Why do we need to repeat the same things that someone said right before us? Are we really that stuck on ourselves to think that us saying it means so much more. "Maybe you didn't get it when the 6 people before me said it, but I am going to really bring it home." What is that about. I feel like I have an opinion on everything but I only speak with no one else will or when I feel I have a contradictory opinion to voice.
If the goal is to create a lot of little Beth Lykins, then I think the class is a success. Free thinking has long left the station.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
This is Bliss?
So I never could make time to do my bliss assignment. I took Monday off of work to finish to my bliss assignment before class, because I didn't want to miss class to do the bliss assignment. Then I realized that I didn't need to take time off of work, because class had been canceled. It was too late, I had already taken the day off... but oh well. Ginny was working, I feel like my bliss probably involves her. I'm not really sure what makes me happy, but I am certainly happy with her. I figured I would hang out with Ginny after she was off of work to complete the assignment, but she had class. So I had talked to my friend Logan and we were going to go shopping. Shopping is usually not a blissful time for me, however I had just gotten my taxes back and a short-term incentive from work. The moral of the story, I had quite a bit of money that didn't have to go anywhere. It's better spending money in those moments. Anyway, Logan ended up getting called into work. So it was just me. I ended up getting some pretty cool stuff. I got some awesome deals. I also ended up finding two things I have been searching for. Ironically they were underwear. So yeah. I bought work clothes, underwear, chocolate for my girlfriend, and a vegetarian cookbook that I will likely never use. It wasn't really blissful at all, so I plan on making another attempt at it. This weekend Ginny and I are off of work. We plan on hitting up Chicago for the weekend. I think it's going to be a good weekend. I have a little something up my sleeve. Yeah, I think I'll have at least 2-3 hours of bliss.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Midterm quesions
What has been the single best aspect of this class thus far?
I think it's been seeing my classmates for the people they are, or possess inside, as opposed to the people I think them to be. I think we have some really gifted, really determined, really pissed-off students in the class. Regardless if I agree or disagree, you have to admire their strength, commitment and dedication. I don't know if I would have the courage to tell everyone what I believe religiously, to delete a creation I haven't seen, or to talk about racism as a white person. That takes... balls, big ones, Like REALLY BIG BALLS! I consider myself to be a liberal, free-spirited type of person. My fellow students at IUPUI usually leave me discouraged. I hear people say things, or watch them do something and think.... "Really? Seriously!" The slogan of the month appears to be "It takes all kinds," I can't seem to escape it; but it's true. It does take all kinds. I just don't expect to see all kinds in so many places. Last Thursday Ginny, our friend Logan, and myself went to a Thai restaurant that a mutual friend had recommended. It was buffet night, which was strange to begin with... but it got even stranger. We were surrounded by white people, in Indianapolis, at a Thai restaurant. This never happens! I mainly eat ethnic foods these days, and the restaurants are never ALL WHITE. It was strange. Not only was there little color in the place, but there was little space. This place was packed with people, big ones, and lots of them. I know it sounds like I am being mean, but I am not passing judgment. I am just trying to create a visual. Picture the Golden Corral crowd at a small Thai restaurant... it just doesn't fit. I took two things from that experience. One, buffets bring people together, build bridges and mend fences. If we could buffet the world, all of our problems would be solved. Two, people will always surprise me. The redneck Hoosier pallet is much more sophisticated than I had originally believed. And yes ladies and gentlemen, "it takes all kinds." All joking aside. The Thai buffet is a meeting in the middle. For someone that has never experienced something, a buffet concept is perfect. You are not obligated to one particular thing, and we will give you endless options. It's a Thai hand outreached, then accepted by an American grip. I thing this class is like that. Seeing Sideways is the buffet of New Media. Hopefully we will all leave the course a little more open-minded*.
*Food baby optional
What is the single most important thing you want to walk away with from this class?
I feel like the nature of this class is not to see things ‘sideways’ but more to open your mind. For me, I feel like I already work hard to keep my heart and mind open. To be willing to step outside of my comfort zone and accepting of things that are beyond me and my comprehension. I feel like this course is more empowering then it is described to be. Essentially it’s designed to make us better people, and hopefully that will carry over to our working lives. It encourages us to walk away from stifling situations. This class is the glimpse into what our lives/careers could be. We’ve learned the rules, now break them and do what you want. My freshman English teacher was amazing; I will never forget that guy. Mr. Baize, he looked just like Mark Twain. He was one wiry guy, amazingly passionate about reading creative writing. He gave A+++’s because some work was just that good. He was so motivating because he would get so excited about writer’s creating their own work. He taught us that we needed to first learn the rules, and then break as many as possible. Essentially you need to play by the rules to earn the respect, than you’ll earn the freedom to do what you want. I feel like I at that place with my New Media experience. I have learned essential skills and techniques. However, through learning those skills and techniques, I have also learned that I have no desire to have a New Media-based career. However, if I pick up what I have learned about myself in this course, and run with it... who knows what the future might bring? This weekend Ginny and I went to Columbus, OH... because Ginny needed "to get out of Indianapolis". We found this really awesome 32-room book store (http://www.bookloft.com/). While in this store I found this book, 500 Wedding Rings (http://www.larkbooks.com/catalog?isbn=1600590543), which Ginny and I basically perused from back to front. Marriage seems to be something in our near future, and we are a different type of people.... so of course we need a different type of ring. Anyway, on the way back to Indy we were talking about the rings. How some were just absurd and not at all practical, but we really appreciated the art aspect. That then lead me to the 'other' art... ya know, the kind of art you never will do in your average art class. I appreciate that kind of art, I don't always know what to do with it... but I appreciate its creativity. I hope that's what New Media will become for me. I hope I will make it my own, because we aren't really taught to do that. We are taught how to please a client, and how to recreate... but I don't want to recreate I want to create. To have something all my own. I want New Media to be enjoyable for me. I have seen outside work in other classes that basically tells me the creator work very hard to make something to surpass or match everything else that is out there. I want to create things on a new plane, or totally different direction. On the tree of New Media work, I want to be the roots. I want to continue to strive and grow... but I want it to be completely independent of what the 'field' is doing. I really just want to do it for myself... to have the love back... or at least the enjoyment.
I think it's been seeing my classmates for the people they are, or possess inside, as opposed to the people I think them to be. I think we have some really gifted, really determined, really pissed-off students in the class. Regardless if I agree or disagree, you have to admire their strength, commitment and dedication. I don't know if I would have the courage to tell everyone what I believe religiously, to delete a creation I haven't seen, or to talk about racism as a white person. That takes... balls, big ones, Like REALLY BIG BALLS! I consider myself to be a liberal, free-spirited type of person. My fellow students at IUPUI usually leave me discouraged. I hear people say things, or watch them do something and think.... "Really? Seriously!" The slogan of the month appears to be "It takes all kinds," I can't seem to escape it; but it's true. It does take all kinds. I just don't expect to see all kinds in so many places. Last Thursday Ginny, our friend Logan, and myself went to a Thai restaurant that a mutual friend had recommended. It was buffet night, which was strange to begin with... but it got even stranger. We were surrounded by white people, in Indianapolis, at a Thai restaurant. This never happens! I mainly eat ethnic foods these days, and the restaurants are never ALL WHITE. It was strange. Not only was there little color in the place, but there was little space. This place was packed with people, big ones, and lots of them. I know it sounds like I am being mean, but I am not passing judgment. I am just trying to create a visual. Picture the Golden Corral crowd at a small Thai restaurant... it just doesn't fit. I took two things from that experience. One, buffets bring people together, build bridges and mend fences. If we could buffet the world, all of our problems would be solved. Two, people will always surprise me. The redneck Hoosier pallet is much more sophisticated than I had originally believed. And yes ladies and gentlemen, "it takes all kinds." All joking aside. The Thai buffet is a meeting in the middle. For someone that has never experienced something, a buffet concept is perfect. You are not obligated to one particular thing, and we will give you endless options. It's a Thai hand outreached, then accepted by an American grip. I thing this class is like that. Seeing Sideways is the buffet of New Media. Hopefully we will all leave the course a little more open-minded*.
*Food baby optional
What is the single most important thing you want to walk away with from this class?
I feel like the nature of this class is not to see things ‘sideways’ but more to open your mind. For me, I feel like I already work hard to keep my heart and mind open. To be willing to step outside of my comfort zone and accepting of things that are beyond me and my comprehension. I feel like this course is more empowering then it is described to be. Essentially it’s designed to make us better people, and hopefully that will carry over to our working lives. It encourages us to walk away from stifling situations. This class is the glimpse into what our lives/careers could be. We’ve learned the rules, now break them and do what you want. My freshman English teacher was amazing; I will never forget that guy. Mr. Baize, he looked just like Mark Twain. He was one wiry guy, amazingly passionate about reading creative writing. He gave A+++’s because some work was just that good. He was so motivating because he would get so excited about writer’s creating their own work. He taught us that we needed to first learn the rules, and then break as many as possible. Essentially you need to play by the rules to earn the respect, than you’ll earn the freedom to do what you want. I feel like I at that place with my New Media experience. I have learned essential skills and techniques. However, through learning those skills and techniques, I have also learned that I have no desire to have a New Media-based career. However, if I pick up what I have learned about myself in this course, and run with it... who knows what the future might bring? This weekend Ginny and I went to Columbus, OH... because Ginny needed "to get out of Indianapolis". We found this really awesome 32-room book store (http://www.bookloft.com/). While in this store I found this book, 500 Wedding Rings (http://www.larkbooks.com/catalog?isbn=1600590543), which Ginny and I basically perused from back to front. Marriage seems to be something in our near future, and we are a different type of people.... so of course we need a different type of ring. Anyway, on the way back to Indy we were talking about the rings. How some were just absurd and not at all practical, but we really appreciated the art aspect. That then lead me to the 'other' art... ya know, the kind of art you never will do in your average art class. I appreciate that kind of art, I don't always know what to do with it... but I appreciate its creativity. I hope that's what New Media will become for me. I hope I will make it my own, because we aren't really taught to do that. We are taught how to please a client, and how to recreate... but I don't want to recreate I want to create. To have something all my own. I want New Media to be enjoyable for me. I have seen outside work in other classes that basically tells me the creator work very hard to make something to surpass or match everything else that is out there. I want to create things on a new plane, or totally different direction. On the tree of New Media work, I want to be the roots. I want to continue to strive and grow... but I want it to be completely independent of what the 'field' is doing. I really just want to do it for myself... to have the love back... or at least the enjoyment.
Monday, March 3, 2008
I sense pain, fear, and someone watching
I decided to close my eyes and type. More often then not, I rely on my vision when on the computer. I don't do a whole lot with sound for the majority of my computer work. This is what I came up with.....
"I am having trouble relazing my eyes. The fan from my laptop is extrememly loud. My dog is making noises with her mousth. I hear cars outside. I feel as if there is a small current of electricity flowing through my fingers as they sit on home row. I feel like I can’t relaz my eyes and focus my other senses at the same time. My house is creaking in. The fense across the street is shaking. I hear sirens. It’s a little shilly. The window must be vlowing pretty strong to make the chain link fence sjakes. I hear a car approaching, I wonder how far away it is. It seems to be in the distrance. II just took my finders off of home row. I left my eyes closed and tried to find the row agaoin. I wanted to see if I could feel the ssame current on different rows. I could. I found home row by reliixing that my laptop has pretty noticableestentions on two of the keys. Keeping my eyes closed actually hurts wuite a bit even thought I am trying to relax."
The big thing about this is I realized how visual I am. Even when I am trying to not be, my eyes continued to move. As if I had no control over them. When I tried to relax my face and eyes, my eyes would start to open. So I had to quint, which really made my face and eyes hurt. I was pretty taken back by what my eyes were doing. It really seemed like they were fighting to stay alive.
To examine my visual tendencies some more, I blindfolded myself and did some things around the house. First I got up and headed toward the bedroom with my eyes closed. Even though I feel comfortable in my house, and confident where things are my heart immediately started to race. I could feel my heartbeat in my throat. I was being more cautious. It took me much longer to move through the rooms than it normally would. Due to the caution, I was no longer confident where things were. I had to lift my hands up to make sure I wasn't going to run into a wall. Once in the bedroom, I found a handkerchief that I used as a blindfold. I then went to the restroom, which was a very interesting experience... once that I think I will spare you... for the most part. Figuring out if the lid is up or down, can be interesting. If you don't check you could end up going to the bathroom all over the place, or yourself. If you do check, you could end up with a wet hand. Additionally, I learned that I would not use Charmin if I were blind. I had a hell of a time just trying to find the end of the paper, because Charmin sticks to itself. I then needed to finish filling up our Brita pitcher that I had left in the sink from earlier. I stuck my finger on the fill line and turned on the water. I didn't know until the pitcher was almost full that I was using hot water. If I were blind I would probably prefer two separate water knobs as opposed to the singular control that is found in many kitchens. I had no issue getting the pitcher back to the fridge. I did, however, think about how difficult it would be to find the food that I wanted if I were blind. Cooking relies heavily on look. What about variety. In my cheese drawer will often have various types of sliced cheese, among other various cheeses. However, how would I know which slice cheese I wanted to put on my sandwich. What about frozen dinners or boxed meals. Would it always be a surprise? After I was finished in the kitchen I decided to play the drums. I realized my drums actually sound pretty good. I listen to the drums in various music I listen to and thing wow, their kit sounds amazing. I now realize that mine actually sounds pretty good as well. I think I play a little more deliberately when I am blindfolded. I play through the drums instead of to them. I was comfortable and enjoying myself until I started to think about the possibility of someone watching me. I was alone, but my drums are close to the front door, and we have 3 little windows in the door... so someone could be watching me. I felt like there was someone right in front of my face. My head continued to reel with the possibilities before I had successfully freaked the shit out of myself and had to rip the blindfold off.
"I am having trouble relazing my eyes. The fan from my laptop is extrememly loud. My dog is making noises with her mousth. I hear cars outside. I feel as if there is a small current of electricity flowing through my fingers as they sit on home row. I feel like I can’t relaz my eyes and focus my other senses at the same time. My house is creaking in. The fense across the street is shaking. I hear sirens. It’s a little shilly. The window must be vlowing pretty strong to make the chain link fence sjakes. I hear a car approaching, I wonder how far away it is. It seems to be in the distrance. II just took my finders off of home row. I left my eyes closed and tried to find the row agaoin. I wanted to see if I could feel the ssame current on different rows. I could. I found home row by reliixing that my laptop has pretty noticableestentions on two of the keys. Keeping my eyes closed actually hurts wuite a bit even thought I am trying to relax."
The big thing about this is I realized how visual I am. Even when I am trying to not be, my eyes continued to move. As if I had no control over them. When I tried to relax my face and eyes, my eyes would start to open. So I had to quint, which really made my face and eyes hurt. I was pretty taken back by what my eyes were doing. It really seemed like they were fighting to stay alive.
To examine my visual tendencies some more, I blindfolded myself and did some things around the house. First I got up and headed toward the bedroom with my eyes closed. Even though I feel comfortable in my house, and confident where things are my heart immediately started to race. I could feel my heartbeat in my throat. I was being more cautious. It took me much longer to move through the rooms than it normally would. Due to the caution, I was no longer confident where things were. I had to lift my hands up to make sure I wasn't going to run into a wall. Once in the bedroom, I found a handkerchief that I used as a blindfold. I then went to the restroom, which was a very interesting experience... once that I think I will spare you... for the most part. Figuring out if the lid is up or down, can be interesting. If you don't check you could end up going to the bathroom all over the place, or yourself. If you do check, you could end up with a wet hand. Additionally, I learned that I would not use Charmin if I were blind. I had a hell of a time just trying to find the end of the paper, because Charmin sticks to itself. I then needed to finish filling up our Brita pitcher that I had left in the sink from earlier. I stuck my finger on the fill line and turned on the water. I didn't know until the pitcher was almost full that I was using hot water. If I were blind I would probably prefer two separate water knobs as opposed to the singular control that is found in many kitchens. I had no issue getting the pitcher back to the fridge. I did, however, think about how difficult it would be to find the food that I wanted if I were blind. Cooking relies heavily on look. What about variety. In my cheese drawer will often have various types of sliced cheese, among other various cheeses. However, how would I know which slice cheese I wanted to put on my sandwich. What about frozen dinners or boxed meals. Would it always be a surprise? After I was finished in the kitchen I decided to play the drums. I realized my drums actually sound pretty good. I listen to the drums in various music I listen to and thing wow, their kit sounds amazing. I now realize that mine actually sounds pretty good as well. I think I play a little more deliberately when I am blindfolded. I play through the drums instead of to them. I was comfortable and enjoying myself until I started to think about the possibility of someone watching me. I was alone, but my drums are close to the front door, and we have 3 little windows in the door... so someone could be watching me. I felt like there was someone right in front of my face. My head continued to reel with the possibilities before I had successfully freaked the shit out of myself and had to rip the blindfold off.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Week long post
Monday.
Today was a cool day. I was pretty much bitching about this class to a co-worker over lunch. She, being the good friend that she is, was totally taking my side. However, being the better friend that she is, she offered lots of suggestions on how to fix it. Through talking to her I realized that I would have to participate. Sometimes you have to take your own advice and run with it. I always say you create your own happiness, if you don't like something then change it. So yeah, I needed to change it. However, then when I get to class it was SO much better. I wanted to participate, I liked the conversation. I felt like more people were into the conversation.
During class I had received 2 calls. One from a friend that I don't see very often and the other from a guy who is helping me with my independent study. He is EXTREMELY hard to get a hold of. Just as class was letting out Ginny called. I talked to her for a while then let her go, to check the messages from Sarah and Joel. Joel said he had the files I needed and I could pick them up tomorrow. Which is awesome, because I REALLY need those file to start on my independent study. Sarah wanted to talk to me about my possible interest in Slippery Rock University. I called Joel back and he didn't answer so I left a message. I think called Ginny back to talk to her until she needed to get in for class.
I then called Sarah back. I love talking to Sarah, mainly because she likes to listen. I love to ramble, and over-explain; Sarah likes to ask questions. It's pretty much a match made in heaven. I talked to her about how excited I am with the class at this point, and how "What the bleep do we know" would have to lead to an awesome conversation. I then transitioned into graduate school.
Recently I have become closer to the mental image I have had in my head. Ya know, the idea of the person you would be. It's kind of amazing to be able to look at myself and see that guy, or to hear people refer to me as that guy. I want to be a passionate man. A man that lives off of his passions, and does what he wants to do. Someone who stands on the outside of the stairs, but only when and if he wants to... not because it's opposite of the norm. Anyway, I get a lot of slack for being 'green' and even more slack for being a vegetarian; but these are things I am passionate about. Well at least the green thing, the vegetarian thing is really just a preference that has added benefits. I have always had dreams of leaving my mark on the world and being of the people, for the people. I want to help. I want to create. I want to live dreams and create them. Recently my work live has changed. There has been a slight hiccup. No big deal, just that things are a little different. I have a career; this is my seventh year with the same company. Because of this hiccup I feel like I can finally move on from the company. Don't get my wrong; my company is great; which makes it really hard to leave. However, it was never what I wanted to do. I needed a job, and feel in love with the company. I appreciate everything they have done for me, but I think this will be my last year. Upon the completion of my undergraduate education, I plan to move on with my career. I have been looking into possible paths. I feel like I have a lot of options. It was pretty stressful. However, I stumbled upon the notion of getting a Master's degree in Environmental Education. It will not make me a lot of money, but I think I would love every minute of it. If I could actually turn it into the career I would like to make it into. I have even found the perfect place to study. It's a ton of money, and a lot of trouble to get it worked out... but it's what I want to do. That's what I love about passion. It makes you feel unstoppable. You do thinks that make no sense to anyone else and perfect sense to you. You don't even think about it, you just follow your heart. Looking back on situations you wonder, "What was I thinking," "How did I even do it?" It's almost beyond you. For those that believe in a higher being, it's their calling, or God's will.
I try to stay aware of these situations. I feel like I am lucky enough to have this happen quite often. I believe that everything happens for a reason. So often I am analyzing everything. Asking myself what role certain events played in my life.
For example: One of my good friends from high school, decided to take time off of school and move to Arizona with another friend. She needed someone to take over her lease. She pretty much pressured me into it, so I took it. During that move I got a job with Verizon, met an amazing woman that I feel in love with, and found a community that I never knew existed... but it fit me like a glove. About a year and a half after we officially got together, we broke up. This break-up is what leads to me moving to Indianapolis. I needed to move on in my career, make more money to be able to support myself, and I was encouraged by my District Manager to apply for a position in Indianapolis. Here, I had the opportunity to build a name for myself within the company so when my dream position was finally created; I was the first one they thought of. This position has really flexible hours. A friend told me about this program at IUPUI that sounded exactly like the program I would create for myself if the university would allow me. Because I had the new job, I would have no problems going to school, and Verizon would pay for it to boot. Additionally, a friend had invited me to a fundraiser about 3 1/2 years ago. I get paid pretty well and like to give back whenever I can, so he knew I would like to do. The fundraiser was all older people, but that didn't bother us much. We found an empty table, put our coats down and went to check out the silent auction. When we returned two beautiful, college-aged women were at our table. It was like, the God's were smiling down on us. I know this because we weren't both attracted to the same woman, because that's how it always happens. My friend, being the smooth guy that he is, convinced these women to leave the fundraiser and go with us to the diner around the corner. We talked, ate, and then my friend go the number of the girl that I was attracted to. It turned out to be the wrong number. I knew that she had given him the wrong number because she had a Bloomington Verizon phone number, and she had given him a prefix that we didn't own. I just let it go; thinking that she probably wasn't interested. About a week later, my friend went to this restaurant that was a few blocks from his house, and the other woman worked there. My friend, being the straightforward guy that he is, asked her why the other woman had given us the wrong number. She checked her phone, it turned out that she had the wrong number in her phone as well. So the other woman did not intend to give us the wrong number, she just didn't know her number. A year and a half after the fundraiser, my roommate and I were planning a trip to Cancun for spring break. I then received an Alternative Spring Break email with pictures of New Orleans after the hurricane. I apologized to my roommate, but felt too strongly about this trip to not go. I called school to make sure there were still openings for the trip. There were. I immediately took off of work, went across the street to the ATM, and headed down to school. When I got there the final spots had been filled, but there was another trip that hadn't filled up yet. It wasn't doing the same type of work, but I had already planned to do service work over break instead of lying on a beach, so that's what I should continue to do. I agreed to go on the other trip. At our first meeting, I see that the attractive woman from the fundraiser is also going on this trip. Me, being the extremely shy guy that I surprisingly am, avoided her the entire time. I desperately tried to stay far away from her and never make eye contact. She finally approached me, and couldn't remember where she recognized me from. I reminded her, and she explained how she had only had the phone for a short period and then apologized. A couple of days later I finally got up the nerve to ask her for some coffee. Two years later we share a home together. In my mind, it never world have happened if my friend would have stayed in school. In all actuality... that's EXACTLY how my mind works.
When you see the world like such, it's so easy to find the silver lining in everything. It's easy to be thankful for everything. To stay positive during bad times or tough situations. It's amazing what a positive attitude can do.
I have really gotten off track in this entry, but my point is that I feel alive again. I am extremely excited about what is to come. I would love to attend North Cascades Institute in Sedro-Woolley Washington to pursue a Master's of Education in Environmental Education and Certificate in Leadership and Nonprofit Administration. I feel like I have direction, purpose, and passion. I feel optimistic and blessed. I feel youthful but wise. I feel useful, unstoppable, and worthy. I feel good, amazing. The feeling is truly amazing, I wish everyone had something that made him or her feel like this.
Tuesday.
It felt nice to have Logan be able to see how much the grad school program means to me. I feel like things are coming together again. Things have been strange at work lately. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I feel like the stuff at work has certainly lead me to grad school. It’ll be some time before I will be able to start graduate classes, considering I still need to finish my undergrad. No worries though. It’s just nice to have something to strive for. That’s why it’s strange at work. For a year and a half I was working toward something. Then it happened, but not like I thought it would. So then I was left thinking, “Hmmm, what now?” And here I am. I now have a new preverbal carrot to reach for. I guess I am one of those people. I need motivation; I need something to live for, to work for. The lyrics from an Ani DiFranco song have been playing in my head for a while now. The song is “What If No One’s Watching” and essentially it’s about the belief in god. There is more to it, but that’s the general theme of the song. The lyric that really resonates with me is, “If you’re not trying to make something better then as far as I can tell you are just in the way.” On the larger scheme we should all be trying to make the world a better place. On the smaller scheme we should be making our lives better, our days better, our moments better. I feel as if that’s where my motivation comes from. I need to focus on making something better. In the long run I hope to have a career than with better the lives of many people. I’m that guy. I am still a believer. I am extremely hopeful. A bit naive but hopeful and eager. I need something to get me out of bed in the morning.
Wednesday.
Today I went to a co-worker’s apartment, after work. Ginny had to close, so it would have just been the dogs and me at our house. So I went over to Mary’s. Mary is a pretty cool person, but she doesn’t really have any friends. Not because she’s not likeable, just because she hasn’t taken the time to make friends outside of work. I’ve known her from a couple of years, since she has worked for the company. However, she just moved up from Bloomington, so she doesn’t know a lot of people in this area. I have been working out of her store a lot lately, mainly just so I could talk to her. She’s a lot of fun. Ginny refers to her as my work girlfriend. I’m not interested in Mary like that, which Ginny knows, and that’s why she jokes about it. In actuality, I was talking to Mary about a friend of mine, because they are both single. I know that Mary and my friend would never actually work out, but I think they could have some fun together. I think they wouldn’t work out because of my friend’s identity. Which he and I share the same identity, so through talking to Mary about him… I ended up telling her about me. Apparently she already knew, because someone else had already told her. That doesn’t bother me, but I think it’s cool that she knew and it didn’t seem to change her opinion of me… or treat me differently. That’s why I ended up going over to her place; she said we weren’t finished with our conversation. Which we never ended up talking about once I got to her place. I mainly just got to know her better. We talked a lot about things. I always enjoy being able to talk freely with someone. To speak about my past experiences exactly like they were, without being careful of how much I say. I don’t lie; I just omit certain things. Which makes me wonder how people who are liars, live. I hate that I feel as if I need to omit certain things, that people will not understand if I tell the whole story. Which everyone does to some existent. Maybe we leave things out to make the story shorter or more interesting; maybe we leave things out because they aren’t important. Who knows? We all do it though. I leave it out because it’s not important, because it is a long story, because I don’t know whom to trust, because it’s personal. I leave it out because I choose to, and that’s my right. For people that are pathological liars though, how do they do it? How do they not feel remorse? How do they keep everything straight? How do they ever feel close to anyone? How do they even know themselves?
Thursday.
In true Evan and Ginny fashion we got into a small tiff today. Like clockwork; the two of us. When we first got together, we stopped celebrating our anniversary because something would always end up happening. Not something horrible, just something that was not so nice. Like today, being that it is Valentine’s Day. I have been really excited about visiting a school that I am interested in. I have already looked into travel costs, and decided when I am going. However, Ginny has all these ideas, and has added her input, but hasn’t told me if she is really going or not. I have decided to fly to Washington, and I have found a really good deal on tickets. The longer I wait, the more likely that the tickets will go up in cost. So I was a little frustrated when I called her today and found out that she hasn’t asked for the time off. I asked her if she understood how important this was for me. She said I think so. I said do you know what I am talking about. Then she got frustrated. LMAO. She thought I was being condescending. God I love us. It was not big deal. It was actually a misunderstanding. Any other day, we would have totally understood each other. We get along pretty well and have pretty good lines of communication. We had actually gotten everything cleared up before we got off the phone. I feel like that’s the true testament of our relationship, it’s not that we don’t disagree it’s that we talk through our disagreements and reach a compromise.
On a different topic, why is it that people only recognize or celebrate the person that they love a couple of days out of the year? How many people asked me what I bought Ginny for Valentine’s day, or what we were doing tonight. I told the majority of them that my friend and my girlfriend were going on a date. They both want to see a movie that comes out today. As it turns out they aren’t going to go tonight, maybe tomorrow though. I’m glad that Ginny isn’t one of those people though. She would be shocked if I did want to celebrate our relationship on a day that doesn’t even mean anything to us. It’s one thing if you choose your anniversary as a day to celebrate and reminisce. Hopefully that day has significant meaning for the two of you. I have some friends that celebrate their anniversary every month, and they have been married for almost 20 years I think. I think that’s amazing. They have probably been together for so long because they do actually love each other and celebrate that love on a regular basis. I think that’s awesome.
So I grabbed some of my mail out of the box before heading to the gym. I got information from two of the schools I am looking into. I was reading up on the schools while I was doing some cardio. I have decided to put the visits of until I have been accepted. No sense in wasting money to visit a school that I might not get into. Too bad I didn’t have this realization earlier, it could have save Ginny and I from the tiff. LOL
Today was a cool day. I was pretty much bitching about this class to a co-worker over lunch. She, being the good friend that she is, was totally taking my side. However, being the better friend that she is, she offered lots of suggestions on how to fix it. Through talking to her I realized that I would have to participate. Sometimes you have to take your own advice and run with it. I always say you create your own happiness, if you don't like something then change it. So yeah, I needed to change it. However, then when I get to class it was SO much better. I wanted to participate, I liked the conversation. I felt like more people were into the conversation.
During class I had received 2 calls. One from a friend that I don't see very often and the other from a guy who is helping me with my independent study. He is EXTREMELY hard to get a hold of. Just as class was letting out Ginny called. I talked to her for a while then let her go, to check the messages from Sarah and Joel. Joel said he had the files I needed and I could pick them up tomorrow. Which is awesome, because I REALLY need those file to start on my independent study. Sarah wanted to talk to me about my possible interest in Slippery Rock University. I called Joel back and he didn't answer so I left a message. I think called Ginny back to talk to her until she needed to get in for class.
I then called Sarah back. I love talking to Sarah, mainly because she likes to listen. I love to ramble, and over-explain; Sarah likes to ask questions. It's pretty much a match made in heaven. I talked to her about how excited I am with the class at this point, and how "What the bleep do we know" would have to lead to an awesome conversation. I then transitioned into graduate school.
Recently I have become closer to the mental image I have had in my head. Ya know, the idea of the person you would be. It's kind of amazing to be able to look at myself and see that guy, or to hear people refer to me as that guy. I want to be a passionate man. A man that lives off of his passions, and does what he wants to do. Someone who stands on the outside of the stairs, but only when and if he wants to... not because it's opposite of the norm. Anyway, I get a lot of slack for being 'green' and even more slack for being a vegetarian; but these are things I am passionate about. Well at least the green thing, the vegetarian thing is really just a preference that has added benefits. I have always had dreams of leaving my mark on the world and being of the people, for the people. I want to help. I want to create. I want to live dreams and create them. Recently my work live has changed. There has been a slight hiccup. No big deal, just that things are a little different. I have a career; this is my seventh year with the same company. Because of this hiccup I feel like I can finally move on from the company. Don't get my wrong; my company is great; which makes it really hard to leave. However, it was never what I wanted to do. I needed a job, and feel in love with the company. I appreciate everything they have done for me, but I think this will be my last year. Upon the completion of my undergraduate education, I plan to move on with my career. I have been looking into possible paths. I feel like I have a lot of options. It was pretty stressful. However, I stumbled upon the notion of getting a Master's degree in Environmental Education. It will not make me a lot of money, but I think I would love every minute of it. If I could actually turn it into the career I would like to make it into. I have even found the perfect place to study. It's a ton of money, and a lot of trouble to get it worked out... but it's what I want to do. That's what I love about passion. It makes you feel unstoppable. You do thinks that make no sense to anyone else and perfect sense to you. You don't even think about it, you just follow your heart. Looking back on situations you wonder, "What was I thinking," "How did I even do it?" It's almost beyond you. For those that believe in a higher being, it's their calling, or God's will.
I try to stay aware of these situations. I feel like I am lucky enough to have this happen quite often. I believe that everything happens for a reason. So often I am analyzing everything. Asking myself what role certain events played in my life.
For example: One of my good friends from high school, decided to take time off of school and move to Arizona with another friend. She needed someone to take over her lease. She pretty much pressured me into it, so I took it. During that move I got a job with Verizon, met an amazing woman that I feel in love with, and found a community that I never knew existed... but it fit me like a glove. About a year and a half after we officially got together, we broke up. This break-up is what leads to me moving to Indianapolis. I needed to move on in my career, make more money to be able to support myself, and I was encouraged by my District Manager to apply for a position in Indianapolis. Here, I had the opportunity to build a name for myself within the company so when my dream position was finally created; I was the first one they thought of. This position has really flexible hours. A friend told me about this program at IUPUI that sounded exactly like the program I would create for myself if the university would allow me. Because I had the new job, I would have no problems going to school, and Verizon would pay for it to boot. Additionally, a friend had invited me to a fundraiser about 3 1/2 years ago. I get paid pretty well and like to give back whenever I can, so he knew I would like to do. The fundraiser was all older people, but that didn't bother us much. We found an empty table, put our coats down and went to check out the silent auction. When we returned two beautiful, college-aged women were at our table. It was like, the God's were smiling down on us. I know this because we weren't both attracted to the same woman, because that's how it always happens. My friend, being the smooth guy that he is, convinced these women to leave the fundraiser and go with us to the diner around the corner. We talked, ate, and then my friend go the number of the girl that I was attracted to. It turned out to be the wrong number. I knew that she had given him the wrong number because she had a Bloomington Verizon phone number, and she had given him a prefix that we didn't own. I just let it go; thinking that she probably wasn't interested. About a week later, my friend went to this restaurant that was a few blocks from his house, and the other woman worked there. My friend, being the straightforward guy that he is, asked her why the other woman had given us the wrong number. She checked her phone, it turned out that she had the wrong number in her phone as well. So the other woman did not intend to give us the wrong number, she just didn't know her number. A year and a half after the fundraiser, my roommate and I were planning a trip to Cancun for spring break. I then received an Alternative Spring Break email with pictures of New Orleans after the hurricane. I apologized to my roommate, but felt too strongly about this trip to not go. I called school to make sure there were still openings for the trip. There were. I immediately took off of work, went across the street to the ATM, and headed down to school. When I got there the final spots had been filled, but there was another trip that hadn't filled up yet. It wasn't doing the same type of work, but I had already planned to do service work over break instead of lying on a beach, so that's what I should continue to do. I agreed to go on the other trip. At our first meeting, I see that the attractive woman from the fundraiser is also going on this trip. Me, being the extremely shy guy that I surprisingly am, avoided her the entire time. I desperately tried to stay far away from her and never make eye contact. She finally approached me, and couldn't remember where she recognized me from. I reminded her, and she explained how she had only had the phone for a short period and then apologized. A couple of days later I finally got up the nerve to ask her for some coffee. Two years later we share a home together. In my mind, it never world have happened if my friend would have stayed in school. In all actuality... that's EXACTLY how my mind works.
When you see the world like such, it's so easy to find the silver lining in everything. It's easy to be thankful for everything. To stay positive during bad times or tough situations. It's amazing what a positive attitude can do.
I have really gotten off track in this entry, but my point is that I feel alive again. I am extremely excited about what is to come. I would love to attend North Cascades Institute in Sedro-Woolley Washington to pursue a Master's of Education in Environmental Education and Certificate in Leadership and Nonprofit Administration. I feel like I have direction, purpose, and passion. I feel optimistic and blessed. I feel youthful but wise. I feel useful, unstoppable, and worthy. I feel good, amazing. The feeling is truly amazing, I wish everyone had something that made him or her feel like this.
Tuesday.
It felt nice to have Logan be able to see how much the grad school program means to me. I feel like things are coming together again. Things have been strange at work lately. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I feel like the stuff at work has certainly lead me to grad school. It’ll be some time before I will be able to start graduate classes, considering I still need to finish my undergrad. No worries though. It’s just nice to have something to strive for. That’s why it’s strange at work. For a year and a half I was working toward something. Then it happened, but not like I thought it would. So then I was left thinking, “Hmmm, what now?” And here I am. I now have a new preverbal carrot to reach for. I guess I am one of those people. I need motivation; I need something to live for, to work for. The lyrics from an Ani DiFranco song have been playing in my head for a while now. The song is “What If No One’s Watching” and essentially it’s about the belief in god. There is more to it, but that’s the general theme of the song. The lyric that really resonates with me is, “If you’re not trying to make something better then as far as I can tell you are just in the way.” On the larger scheme we should all be trying to make the world a better place. On the smaller scheme we should be making our lives better, our days better, our moments better. I feel as if that’s where my motivation comes from. I need to focus on making something better. In the long run I hope to have a career than with better the lives of many people. I’m that guy. I am still a believer. I am extremely hopeful. A bit naive but hopeful and eager. I need something to get me out of bed in the morning.
Wednesday.
Today I went to a co-worker’s apartment, after work. Ginny had to close, so it would have just been the dogs and me at our house. So I went over to Mary’s. Mary is a pretty cool person, but she doesn’t really have any friends. Not because she’s not likeable, just because she hasn’t taken the time to make friends outside of work. I’ve known her from a couple of years, since she has worked for the company. However, she just moved up from Bloomington, so she doesn’t know a lot of people in this area. I have been working out of her store a lot lately, mainly just so I could talk to her. She’s a lot of fun. Ginny refers to her as my work girlfriend. I’m not interested in Mary like that, which Ginny knows, and that’s why she jokes about it. In actuality, I was talking to Mary about a friend of mine, because they are both single. I know that Mary and my friend would never actually work out, but I think they could have some fun together. I think they wouldn’t work out because of my friend’s identity. Which he and I share the same identity, so through talking to Mary about him… I ended up telling her about me. Apparently she already knew, because someone else had already told her. That doesn’t bother me, but I think it’s cool that she knew and it didn’t seem to change her opinion of me… or treat me differently. That’s why I ended up going over to her place; she said we weren’t finished with our conversation. Which we never ended up talking about once I got to her place. I mainly just got to know her better. We talked a lot about things. I always enjoy being able to talk freely with someone. To speak about my past experiences exactly like they were, without being careful of how much I say. I don’t lie; I just omit certain things. Which makes me wonder how people who are liars, live. I hate that I feel as if I need to omit certain things, that people will not understand if I tell the whole story. Which everyone does to some existent. Maybe we leave things out to make the story shorter or more interesting; maybe we leave things out because they aren’t important. Who knows? We all do it though. I leave it out because it’s not important, because it is a long story, because I don’t know whom to trust, because it’s personal. I leave it out because I choose to, and that’s my right. For people that are pathological liars though, how do they do it? How do they not feel remorse? How do they keep everything straight? How do they ever feel close to anyone? How do they even know themselves?
Thursday.
In true Evan and Ginny fashion we got into a small tiff today. Like clockwork; the two of us. When we first got together, we stopped celebrating our anniversary because something would always end up happening. Not something horrible, just something that was not so nice. Like today, being that it is Valentine’s Day. I have been really excited about visiting a school that I am interested in. I have already looked into travel costs, and decided when I am going. However, Ginny has all these ideas, and has added her input, but hasn’t told me if she is really going or not. I have decided to fly to Washington, and I have found a really good deal on tickets. The longer I wait, the more likely that the tickets will go up in cost. So I was a little frustrated when I called her today and found out that she hasn’t asked for the time off. I asked her if she understood how important this was for me. She said I think so. I said do you know what I am talking about. Then she got frustrated. LMAO. She thought I was being condescending. God I love us. It was not big deal. It was actually a misunderstanding. Any other day, we would have totally understood each other. We get along pretty well and have pretty good lines of communication. We had actually gotten everything cleared up before we got off the phone. I feel like that’s the true testament of our relationship, it’s not that we don’t disagree it’s that we talk through our disagreements and reach a compromise.
On a different topic, why is it that people only recognize or celebrate the person that they love a couple of days out of the year? How many people asked me what I bought Ginny for Valentine’s day, or what we were doing tonight. I told the majority of them that my friend and my girlfriend were going on a date. They both want to see a movie that comes out today. As it turns out they aren’t going to go tonight, maybe tomorrow though. I’m glad that Ginny isn’t one of those people though. She would be shocked if I did want to celebrate our relationship on a day that doesn’t even mean anything to us. It’s one thing if you choose your anniversary as a day to celebrate and reminisce. Hopefully that day has significant meaning for the two of you. I have some friends that celebrate their anniversary every month, and they have been married for almost 20 years I think. I think that’s amazing. They have probably been together for so long because they do actually love each other and celebrate that love on a regular basis. I think that’s awesome.
So I grabbed some of my mail out of the box before heading to the gym. I got information from two of the schools I am looking into. I was reading up on the schools while I was doing some cardio. I have decided to put the visits of until I have been accepted. No sense in wasting money to visit a school that I might not get into. Too bad I didn’t have this realization earlier, it could have save Ginny and I from the tiff. LOL
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Last class
The last meeting was the best meeting so far, in my opinion. I think it was because I had my own time.
I don't think the communication issue in the class has as much to do with people being afraid as it has to do with the closed-mindedness and hostility of the class.
I think when people are selected to speak they add to the conversations. Currently it's the same people who are volunteering to speak.
I wonder if we could have a panel come in and speak to us.
I think being some place where we could see each other's faces would help as well. As much as sitting in a circle is lame, I really think that would help.
I don't think the communication issue in the class has as much to do with people being afraid as it has to do with the closed-mindedness and hostility of the class.
I think when people are selected to speak they add to the conversations. Currently it's the same people who are volunteering to speak.
I wonder if we could have a panel come in and speak to us.
I think being some place where we could see each other's faces would help as well. As much as sitting in a circle is lame, I really think that would help.
I used to feel
My emotional life is very different today than it was a few years ago. There was a time when I felt everything! My heart was visibly outside of my body. I was so sensitive. I guess to a point I am still sensitive, but it’s different now. In August of 2002 I made a decision. That one decision set into play a process that would permanently alter the course of my life. During that process I changed, much for the better… but a few things, for the worse. Losing my emotional sensitivity was certainly for the worse.
I have had the opportunity to maintain many different relationships with persons living with bi-polar tendencies (disorder seems a little too negative). One woman explained to me why she chose to take medication. I was really curious about her decision, because so many people make the same decision to or not to medicate for so many different reasons. For me, I think of all the genius, musical talent, and creativity that doctors try to suppress with medication. Who would want to lose that, especially when it is in exchange to better fit into this believed ‘society’? For her, she was lucky enough to find a medication that didn’t actually suppress her emotions; moreover, the drugs lessened the high peaks and deep valleys of her emotional roller coaster.
I feel much the same. I still have peaks and valleys; they are just much less noticeable. Before my high moments felt like Mt. Everest and lows like the Colca Canyon (world’s deepest canyon). These days my emotions seem more like the Bonneville Salt Flats. In reality, I do have ups and downs… just not like before. I have speed bumps that I slow for and try to relish and potholes that I hit at full force after failed attempts to swerve.
To honestly speak about what moves me, I would need to speak more of what has moved me. Things in my past that will forever live with me, through the brand they have placed in my mind.
I grew up the youngest of 7 in a single-parent home. I don’t have one memory of their ever being a father in our home. My father is an 82 year old, 6’2”, black, veteran, living in Southern Indiana. I think I have seen him once since his wife died. Faye died in 2002, from lymphoma. At the time my brother Jody and his girlfriend were pregnant with my nephew. Faye was convinced that Lacey was having twins. Maybe it was just wishful hoping. Faye never had any children of her own, my brother and I were the closest thing she had. My father never really had any interest in us, so we never really had any interest in Faye. Because of Faye we had to go over to their house and spend time with our father. Dad would be listening to the game on a black and white portable TV and working a puzzle at the same time. My dad and I got along ok, but my dad and my brother were/are like oil and water. My dad grew up in an orphanage and never really knew how to love. He lectured us. I understood this, Jody never didn't.
When Faye passed away, I cried. For days, I cried. I took time off from work, and went back ‘home’. When I got there my mom and one of my older brothers were going through Faye’s stuff, dad was off doing something else. You could tell that my mother had been crying for a long time. For my dad, it was like any other day.
In 2001 I moved out of my mom’s house for the last time. I was the last of the kids. For 44 years my mom had children around the house. In 2001 she became a mother hen tending to an empty nest. I worried about her. My mother only ever wanted to be a mother; she had no interest in being a wife. In her 60’s she was alone for the first time in over 40 years. My step-mom stepped in. My mom and my step-mom became best friends. When I would visit I could barely catch a moment of my mother’s time, she and Faye always had some kind of plans.
When Faye died it all came together. I realized the impact she had on all of our lives. For me and Jody she was the wicket step-mother that controlled our Father. In reality, I wouldn’t have known my father if it weren’t for Faye. In the third grade my name was legally changed, both my brother and I had been born with my mother’s last name. At the time I was 9 and Jody was 12, why would he care whose name we had? Faye cared, and Faye wanted a family, and she was glad to have us. She bought the birthday gifts, cards, and baked the cakes. She and my mom watched out for each other.
I was riddled with guilt. I never told her. I never knew. I never thanked her. I was so mean. She did so much. She meant so much. I loved her. I did. I do. I will, always.
Today, Faye is found in my writing, my music, and my understanding of relationships. The moment and the feelings are still fresh within me. The valleys aren’t so deep, but they are there.
Devante Kane entered the world on the coat-tails of Faye’s exiting. He filled the void. In the hospital I was sad that Faye wasn’t there, but hoped she was able to experience it in her own way. Once again my mother’s home would be filled with children. Today she acts as full-time daycare for 2 grandkids and occasional care for a few others.
I have had the opportunity to maintain many different relationships with persons living with bi-polar tendencies (disorder seems a little too negative). One woman explained to me why she chose to take medication. I was really curious about her decision, because so many people make the same decision to or not to medicate for so many different reasons. For me, I think of all the genius, musical talent, and creativity that doctors try to suppress with medication. Who would want to lose that, especially when it is in exchange to better fit into this believed ‘society’? For her, she was lucky enough to find a medication that didn’t actually suppress her emotions; moreover, the drugs lessened the high peaks and deep valleys of her emotional roller coaster.
I feel much the same. I still have peaks and valleys; they are just much less noticeable. Before my high moments felt like Mt. Everest and lows like the Colca Canyon (world’s deepest canyon). These days my emotions seem more like the Bonneville Salt Flats. In reality, I do have ups and downs… just not like before. I have speed bumps that I slow for and try to relish and potholes that I hit at full force after failed attempts to swerve.
To honestly speak about what moves me, I would need to speak more of what has moved me. Things in my past that will forever live with me, through the brand they have placed in my mind.
I grew up the youngest of 7 in a single-parent home. I don’t have one memory of their ever being a father in our home. My father is an 82 year old, 6’2”, black, veteran, living in Southern Indiana. I think I have seen him once since his wife died. Faye died in 2002, from lymphoma. At the time my brother Jody and his girlfriend were pregnant with my nephew. Faye was convinced that Lacey was having twins. Maybe it was just wishful hoping. Faye never had any children of her own, my brother and I were the closest thing she had. My father never really had any interest in us, so we never really had any interest in Faye. Because of Faye we had to go over to their house and spend time with our father. Dad would be listening to the game on a black and white portable TV and working a puzzle at the same time. My dad and I got along ok, but my dad and my brother were/are like oil and water. My dad grew up in an orphanage and never really knew how to love. He lectured us. I understood this, Jody never didn't.
When Faye passed away, I cried. For days, I cried. I took time off from work, and went back ‘home’. When I got there my mom and one of my older brothers were going through Faye’s stuff, dad was off doing something else. You could tell that my mother had been crying for a long time. For my dad, it was like any other day.
In 2001 I moved out of my mom’s house for the last time. I was the last of the kids. For 44 years my mom had children around the house. In 2001 she became a mother hen tending to an empty nest. I worried about her. My mother only ever wanted to be a mother; she had no interest in being a wife. In her 60’s she was alone for the first time in over 40 years. My step-mom stepped in. My mom and my step-mom became best friends. When I would visit I could barely catch a moment of my mother’s time, she and Faye always had some kind of plans.
When Faye died it all came together. I realized the impact she had on all of our lives. For me and Jody she was the wicket step-mother that controlled our Father. In reality, I wouldn’t have known my father if it weren’t for Faye. In the third grade my name was legally changed, both my brother and I had been born with my mother’s last name. At the time I was 9 and Jody was 12, why would he care whose name we had? Faye cared, and Faye wanted a family, and she was glad to have us. She bought the birthday gifts, cards, and baked the cakes. She and my mom watched out for each other.
I was riddled with guilt. I never told her. I never knew. I never thanked her. I was so mean. She did so much. She meant so much. I loved her. I did. I do. I will, always.
Today, Faye is found in my writing, my music, and my understanding of relationships. The moment and the feelings are still fresh within me. The valleys aren’t so deep, but they are there.
Devante Kane entered the world on the coat-tails of Faye’s exiting. He filled the void. In the hospital I was sad that Faye wasn’t there, but hoped she was able to experience it in her own way. Once again my mother’s home would be filled with children. Today she acts as full-time daycare for 2 grandkids and occasional care for a few others.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
What if reality
What if we felt no pain?
http://lukesblogn485.blogspot.com/
I really love this question, “What if we felt no pain?”: but what kind physical or emotional?
If we felt no physical pain
If we felt no physical pain, how would we know when we needed to go to the hospital? Barring something major like constant vomiting or protruding bones, we use pain level to determine severity. Once I stepped on a sewing needle. In that one step, the needle went completely into my foot. I had no idea the needle was still in my foot, except that I had a lot of pain. My brother had appendicitis when he was younger, if it weren’t for the pain he would have never thought to go to the hospital. Essentially, if we had no physical pain people would either take every little scratch as a major injury or shrug serious injuries off because they felt no pain. This is just talking about one aspect of no physical pain. On the community side, people wouldn’t fear death as much if they knew there would be no pain. Crime would likely increase.
If we felt no emotional pain
If we felt no emotional pain, we might be a happier people but we would certainly be empty. How much can you really feel for someone if you feel no emotional pain when they leave, be it through death or abandonment? I’m not sure we could actually love without emotional pain. We really know that someone loves us when they stick it out through the tough times. Would there be ‘tough’ times if there were no emotional pain? What is emotional pain? I feel emotionally pained when I hear what people go through, then I want to help them. Would we even have social non-profits, if there were no emotional pain? The world, as we currently know it, would certainly deteriorate. We would exist as emotionless people. What is white without black, or dark without light. We would just exist, shells. We would be robots going through the motions of life incapable of grasping how amazing things are. We would have no desire to create new things or to research. The past would be forgotten and the future would no exist.
The gist of this story, life would suck! I wouldn’t want to live a life without pain. Without pain I would never be able to truly appreciate the non-pained times. I would like to have a discussion with others on this topic. What do you think?
http://lukesblogn485.blogspot.com/
I really love this question, “What if we felt no pain?”: but what kind physical or emotional?
If we felt no physical pain
If we felt no physical pain, how would we know when we needed to go to the hospital? Barring something major like constant vomiting or protruding bones, we use pain level to determine severity. Once I stepped on a sewing needle. In that one step, the needle went completely into my foot. I had no idea the needle was still in my foot, except that I had a lot of pain. My brother had appendicitis when he was younger, if it weren’t for the pain he would have never thought to go to the hospital. Essentially, if we had no physical pain people would either take every little scratch as a major injury or shrug serious injuries off because they felt no pain. This is just talking about one aspect of no physical pain. On the community side, people wouldn’t fear death as much if they knew there would be no pain. Crime would likely increase.
If we felt no emotional pain
If we felt no emotional pain, we might be a happier people but we would certainly be empty. How much can you really feel for someone if you feel no emotional pain when they leave, be it through death or abandonment? I’m not sure we could actually love without emotional pain. We really know that someone loves us when they stick it out through the tough times. Would there be ‘tough’ times if there were no emotional pain? What is emotional pain? I feel emotionally pained when I hear what people go through, then I want to help them. Would we even have social non-profits, if there were no emotional pain? The world, as we currently know it, would certainly deteriorate. We would exist as emotionless people. What is white without black, or dark without light. We would just exist, shells. We would be robots going through the motions of life incapable of grasping how amazing things are. We would have no desire to create new things or to research. The past would be forgotten and the future would no exist.
The gist of this story, life would suck! I wouldn’t want to live a life without pain. Without pain I would never be able to truly appreciate the non-pained times. I would like to have a discussion with others on this topic. What do you think?
Video Reactions
The Cathedral
I have watched “The Cathedral” in a couple other classes, so I don’t really have much of a response. I think the work is good, but don’t really understand the storyline. Is it just meant to be a ‘look what I can do’ movie or does everything that happens actually play into a storyline? It’s got to be a ‘look what I can do’ movie, because they spend way too much ‘camera time’ on things that are excessive. That kind of thing bothers me, mainly because I feel like it’s false advertisement. According to the little bit of research I did, the movie is supposedly based on a Jacek Dukaj’s novel. Maybe if I read the book, I could better understand the storyline of “The Cathedral.” I also found this:
Synopsis: Story of a pilgrim who comes to a Cathedral on the border of the known world. He wants to kind answers. He finds calmness.
I don’t think the movie conveys that at all. Really, the guy’s calm? You turned him into a tree! How is that calm? You mean, he is stuck and has to live the rest of his life as a tree. Maybe he submits to his reality, but ‘finds calmness’? Come on now.
art:21
It’s a PBS production, so automatically I have to love it. I’m a green, vegetarian, NPR-listenin’, PBS-watchin’ kind of guy. I am thankful that my TV picks up 4 PBS channels. Without PBS, I don’t know if I would turn my TV on. Anyway, that was mainly a response to a comment in class and no so much the show.
In regard to art:21, I am always a little conflicted with the styles of art that would be highlighted in shows like art:21. I believe a lot of modern art/ contemporary art/ art in the 21st century is something that any of us can do; and that’s where the dichotomy comes in. I hate going to museums and seeing some of the modern art displayed there. I’m like, “really, this is art? My baby niece did something better than this last week.” Just the same, I love seeing that kind of stuff because it allows me to believe my work could be displayed in that same museum. On one hand I want art to be seen as something that only a few, very talented people can do. On the other hand, I want people to understand that art is everywhere, in everything that we do. I guess this is personal to me because I am such an art junky; I love everything artistic. I want to constantly be surrounded my creative people. I would love everyone to understand themselves as artists. However, art would certainly lose its allure if everyone felt like there work was better than everyone else’s. Like the guy on art:21 with the musical instrument stuff, that’s something that everyone could do. Just make up some directions, and follow them; whereas it’s different with photographers. I can be at the same spot, at the same time, with the same equipment as an Ansel Adams; but I will never be able to capture the same feel in my picture. I could go on forever, but I digress.
Robot Chicken
I feel similarly about Robot Chicken as I do art:21. It’s not top of the line quality, but it’s certainly creative and different. There is the same dichotomy though. I like that it looks like something some folks in our program put together as a final project, but should it be on DVD or television?
I have watched “The Cathedral” in a couple other classes, so I don’t really have much of a response. I think the work is good, but don’t really understand the storyline. Is it just meant to be a ‘look what I can do’ movie or does everything that happens actually play into a storyline? It’s got to be a ‘look what I can do’ movie, because they spend way too much ‘camera time’ on things that are excessive. That kind of thing bothers me, mainly because I feel like it’s false advertisement. According to the little bit of research I did, the movie is supposedly based on a Jacek Dukaj’s novel. Maybe if I read the book, I could better understand the storyline of “The Cathedral.” I also found this:
Synopsis: Story of a pilgrim who comes to a Cathedral on the border of the known world. He wants to kind answers. He finds calmness.
I don’t think the movie conveys that at all. Really, the guy’s calm? You turned him into a tree! How is that calm? You mean, he is stuck and has to live the rest of his life as a tree. Maybe he submits to his reality, but ‘finds calmness’? Come on now.
art:21
It’s a PBS production, so automatically I have to love it. I’m a green, vegetarian, NPR-listenin’, PBS-watchin’ kind of guy. I am thankful that my TV picks up 4 PBS channels. Without PBS, I don’t know if I would turn my TV on. Anyway, that was mainly a response to a comment in class and no so much the show.
In regard to art:21, I am always a little conflicted with the styles of art that would be highlighted in shows like art:21. I believe a lot of modern art/ contemporary art/ art in the 21st century is something that any of us can do; and that’s where the dichotomy comes in. I hate going to museums and seeing some of the modern art displayed there. I’m like, “really, this is art? My baby niece did something better than this last week.” Just the same, I love seeing that kind of stuff because it allows me to believe my work could be displayed in that same museum. On one hand I want art to be seen as something that only a few, very talented people can do. On the other hand, I want people to understand that art is everywhere, in everything that we do. I guess this is personal to me because I am such an art junky; I love everything artistic. I want to constantly be surrounded my creative people. I would love everyone to understand themselves as artists. However, art would certainly lose its allure if everyone felt like there work was better than everyone else’s. Like the guy on art:21 with the musical instrument stuff, that’s something that everyone could do. Just make up some directions, and follow them; whereas it’s different with photographers. I can be at the same spot, at the same time, with the same equipment as an Ansel Adams; but I will never be able to capture the same feel in my picture. I could go on forever, but I digress.
Robot Chicken
I feel similarly about Robot Chicken as I do art:21. It’s not top of the line quality, but it’s certainly creative and different. There is the same dichotomy though. I like that it looks like something some folks in our program put together as a final project, but should it be on DVD or television?
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
What if?
1. What if….. all works of fiction were alternate realities?
2. What if….. we never died?
3. What if….. you could hear my thoughts?
4. What if….. we heard with our fingers?
5. What if….. we were all the same race?
6. What if….. we could teleport?
7. What if….. all our news had no spin?
8. What if….. we were single-celled organisms?
9. What if….. computers were never invented?
10. What if….. we had no government?
11. What if….. we all knew what the hell to do with our lives?
12. What if….. we were all color-blind and tone-deaf?
13. What if….. we had wings?
14. What if….. we were asexual?
15. What if….. we all lived off the grid?
16. What if….. we had a past lives pavilion, like in “Defending Your Life”?
17. What if….. regardless of your job, everyone made the same amount of money?
18. What if….. we used pinwheels as transportation, like Mary Poppin’s umbrella?
19. What if….. there were no diseases?
20. What if….. the Christians are right?
21. What if….. we laid eggs?
22. What if….. we could fast-forward and rewind through our lives?
23. What if….. we were all blind?
24. What if….. chopsticks were the size of baseball bats?
25. What if….. age regulations were based on maturity instead?
26. What if….. we chose the way we died?
27. What if….. we were all polygamist?
28. What if….. education was free?
29. What if….. we lived underwater?
30. What if….. we were the bottom of the food change?
31. What if….. communism could work on a large scale?
32. What if….. we walked on our hands?
33. What if….. everyone cared about environmental issues?
34. What if….. spam and eggs was the national meal?
35. What if….. we were all blank slates, and others saw us as they wanted?
36. What if….. the cockroach is the top of the evolution chain?
37. What if….. we were all hippies?
38. What if….. pizza was fat free?
39. What if….. we lived like the Flintstone’s or the Jetson’s?
40. What if….. life was a constant vacation?
41. What if….. we all wore togas?
42. What if….. there were an average person’s Olympics?
43. What if….. pets spoke English?
44. What if….. we were on a barter system?
45. What if….. we could vacation on the moon?
46. What if….. we were all nudist?
47. What if….. music never existed?
48. What if….. we all controlled every aspect of our own lives, even the weather?
49. What if….. we had gills?
50. What if….. we were robots?
2. What if….. we never died?
3. What if….. you could hear my thoughts?
4. What if….. we heard with our fingers?
5. What if….. we were all the same race?
6. What if….. we could teleport?
7. What if….. all our news had no spin?
8. What if….. we were single-celled organisms?
9. What if….. computers were never invented?
10. What if….. we had no government?
11. What if….. we all knew what the hell to do with our lives?
12. What if….. we were all color-blind and tone-deaf?
13. What if….. we had wings?
14. What if….. we were asexual?
15. What if….. we all lived off the grid?
16. What if….. we had a past lives pavilion, like in “Defending Your Life”?
17. What if….. regardless of your job, everyone made the same amount of money?
18. What if….. we used pinwheels as transportation, like Mary Poppin’s umbrella?
19. What if….. there were no diseases?
20. What if….. the Christians are right?
21. What if….. we laid eggs?
22. What if….. we could fast-forward and rewind through our lives?
23. What if….. we were all blind?
24. What if….. chopsticks were the size of baseball bats?
25. What if….. age regulations were based on maturity instead?
26. What if….. we chose the way we died?
27. What if….. we were all polygamist?
28. What if….. education was free?
29. What if….. we lived underwater?
30. What if….. we were the bottom of the food change?
31. What if….. communism could work on a large scale?
32. What if….. we walked on our hands?
33. What if….. everyone cared about environmental issues?
34. What if….. spam and eggs was the national meal?
35. What if….. we were all blank slates, and others saw us as they wanted?
36. What if….. the cockroach is the top of the evolution chain?
37. What if….. we were all hippies?
38. What if….. pizza was fat free?
39. What if….. we lived like the Flintstone’s or the Jetson’s?
40. What if….. life was a constant vacation?
41. What if….. we all wore togas?
42. What if….. there were an average person’s Olympics?
43. What if….. pets spoke English?
44. What if….. we were on a barter system?
45. What if….. we could vacation on the moon?
46. What if….. we were all nudist?
47. What if….. music never existed?
48. What if….. we all controlled every aspect of our own lives, even the weather?
49. What if….. we had gills?
50. What if….. we were robots?
Saturday, January 12, 2008
If Frankie doesn't get you, Karma will
In the first couple of hours, just following the point that we were introduced, she was stuck under my ring. With her base wedged between my middle finger and the ring that resides there, her face extended passed my outstretched hand. She would later repay me for this discomfort, in the parking lot. In a rush to reach my car I dropped her in the parking lot. There she was, face down and all alone. I bent down and swiped her up without slowing pace. That’s when I heard the tearing sound, coming from my left knee. The burning sensation then set it, followed by the pain, and the, “Damn, you’re an idiot,” thought refused to leave my head. I continued toward the car, answering the phone and throwing my stuff in the car. This time the V.I.P was placed in the first-class cup holder, as I pushed the Start button on my car and headed home. I picked up Ginny, my girlfriend, and the two of us headed to the car dealership. She was in an accident a while back and finally decided to get her vehicle repaired, mainly because the insurance company was threatening to close the claim. On our way I decided to introduce her to my homework. As I explained the assignment, she held the fork with a confused face. When I finished, “You should call her Frankie, Frankie The Fork” she said. “What makes you think she’s a girl,” I asked. “Of course she’s a girl” she replied, then placed her back in her V.I.P first-class seat where she still remains today.
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