For my research from the books assignment I have chosen Sue Crolick.
A Smile in the Mind... pages 56, 102, 110, 113, 132, 135
Sue Crolick: a successful advertising art director turns big sister-esque art buddy
Sue's work reminded me a lot of some artists that used to run an after-school children's program that I would attend in Evansville. It was focused on inner-city kids. It gave kids the opportunity to do something positive instead of activities that negatively affect our society. When I first started attending the program it was a general after-school program that helped you with homework and let you play... supervised. However, the director was an artist, and eventually she collected other artists and gave the program an art focus. I had no interest in art people I started that program. That's where I learned that art is whatever you want it to be. That it is EXTREMELY broad, and it's about the process, and personal meaning, and expression, and it's never right or wrong... it just is.
Later I learned that in reality that's a bubble.
Nonetheless, everyone should be able to experience that bubble at least once. I did. And I guess once you learn it, you will never forget it.
http://www.artbuddies.org/video.asp
Go'on whit cha bad self, Sue.
http://www.turner.com/planet/credit-song.html
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Connections
Connection in the ‘supply and demand’ sense
Wow. I didn’t even look at the connections assignment until today. So weird. I don’t know if today was an especially good day to think about connections… or maybe it’s just something that is always in my face. In regard to work I am an inventory guru. This morning I was lucky enough to actually do the job I accepted a couple of years ago. I helped a sales rep, who is in pursuit of a promotion, complete a physical inventory count this morning. I felt like his connection. Not just a connection to the information and assistance that he needed but also his connection to where he wants to go with the company.
Connection in the 'similar' sense
Before he and I could finish his inventory my ‘boss’ and a co-worker came to check in, which brings me to a different connection. With the co-worker I feel like we have a sibling-like connection. We are likely to through each other under the bus, but we will always have each other’s back. We have a ton of fun together. We have a very similar sense of humor, which allows us to connect on a friendly level first. We have a good time together.
Connection in the ‘long ties that bind’ sense
Then there is my ‘boss,’ whom I have worked with for more than 6 years now. Last night she told me that she is pregnant again, which I am super excited about. I wanted to talk to her about it when I saw her, but she told me it was a secret. I suspect that I was the only one at that location who knew, so it would have been a horrible time for me to speak to her about it.
Connection in the ‘linked’ sense
After leaving that location I went to a store just up the street to convince another co-worker to grab some lunch with me. I have known her for a long time, but we have only become really close in the last year. I dated a woman a couple years ago who later ended up working for the company as well. She ended up working with the co-worker I had planned to grab lunch with. My co-worker, who I’ll call S, got to know my ex-girlfriend pretty well. I think S then felt as if she need more about me, or better understood me based on her experience with my ex-girlfriend. S and my ex are still pretty good friend. I guess because my ex is an amazing person than I had to be an amazing person as well. At least, that’s what I think S thinks.
Connection in the ‘needed’ sense
S and I have been talking a lot about her life lately. She’s not really happy. I feel like I am constantly offering her advice, suggestions and just sharing things about my life and experiences. Today I was talking to her about how crazy I am about gardening. I have been toying with the idea of gardening for a long time, but have never really done anything about it. Something apparently bit me in the ass this year, and I have been working like a maniac to start a garden. I feel like all I want to do is watch my plants grow. They need so much time and attention that some days it does seem like that is all I have done. I have to make sure they have the right amount of water and light and keep them warm.
Wow. I didn’t even look at the connections assignment until today. So weird. I don’t know if today was an especially good day to think about connections… or maybe it’s just something that is always in my face. In regard to work I am an inventory guru. This morning I was lucky enough to actually do the job I accepted a couple of years ago. I helped a sales rep, who is in pursuit of a promotion, complete a physical inventory count this morning. I felt like his connection. Not just a connection to the information and assistance that he needed but also his connection to where he wants to go with the company.
Connection in the 'similar' sense
Before he and I could finish his inventory my ‘boss’ and a co-worker came to check in, which brings me to a different connection. With the co-worker I feel like we have a sibling-like connection. We are likely to through each other under the bus, but we will always have each other’s back. We have a ton of fun together. We have a very similar sense of humor, which allows us to connect on a friendly level first. We have a good time together.
Connection in the ‘long ties that bind’ sense
Then there is my ‘boss,’ whom I have worked with for more than 6 years now. Last night she told me that she is pregnant again, which I am super excited about. I wanted to talk to her about it when I saw her, but she told me it was a secret. I suspect that I was the only one at that location who knew, so it would have been a horrible time for me to speak to her about it.
Connection in the ‘linked’ sense
After leaving that location I went to a store just up the street to convince another co-worker to grab some lunch with me. I have known her for a long time, but we have only become really close in the last year. I dated a woman a couple years ago who later ended up working for the company as well. She ended up working with the co-worker I had planned to grab lunch with. My co-worker, who I’ll call S, got to know my ex-girlfriend pretty well. I think S then felt as if she need more about me, or better understood me based on her experience with my ex-girlfriend. S and my ex are still pretty good friend. I guess because my ex is an amazing person than I had to be an amazing person as well. At least, that’s what I think S thinks.
Connection in the ‘needed’ sense
S and I have been talking a lot about her life lately. She’s not really happy. I feel like I am constantly offering her advice, suggestions and just sharing things about my life and experiences. Today I was talking to her about how crazy I am about gardening. I have been toying with the idea of gardening for a long time, but have never really done anything about it. Something apparently bit me in the ass this year, and I have been working like a maniac to start a garden. I feel like all I want to do is watch my plants grow. They need so much time and attention that some days it does seem like that is all I have done. I have to make sure they have the right amount of water and light and keep them warm.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Freak gets and "A" in my book
So I finally have learned the real name of “Freak,” as it turns out his legal name is Joshua Ahrens. For this assignment Freak decided to write “No One” on a piece of tape and stick it to his paper, which he later balled up and stuck two pencils in (in the shape of an ‘X’ of course.) To top it all off, he then dug a hole and buried it.
Initially I wasn’t really sure how to take Freak’s assignment. How do you grade someone on his or her representation of his or her self? I sat down on a picnic table to think about it a little longer. I tore a small piece of paper out of my notebook and wrote on it, “How can no one leave a mark?”
I then started thinking more and more about what he had to say. I didn’t really agree with what he said. I feel like he will probably be the most memorable person from the class. Ten years down the road I’ll be talking about this course that bored me to death. I will remember nothing except, “There was this guy, we called him Freak…”
Anyway, I really started to look deeper into his project. Then it started to make since to me. I’m sure it probably wasn’t intentional, but there was quite a bit of symbolism in his project. I think inside he might really feel like he is ‘no one.’ Maybe that’s something that he wants to ball up and bury deep inside of him. Maybe he’s had to deal with other’s telling him that he is ‘no one’. Which seems so different from the Freak we see in class. He seems extremely confident in himself and fearless. Not in the sense that he would try to cut someone, more in the sense that you would need to watch what you dare him to do because it’s as good as done. That’s why it was hard for me to agree with him when he said he was ‘no one’. The Freak we see in class is certainly full of life and seemingly self-assured.
When I take it all in, and try to analyze, it makes sense to me. If this project is really Joshua Ahrens on paper, then this was a very real project. What the project says to me is that Joshua has a low self-image of himself and Freak overcompensates.
Maybe I am completely wrong, but that’s what I think. It’s possible, however, that I see it in that sense, because I relate to it. When I was younger I was extremely depressed, eventually I was standing on the suicidal line. On the outside, you would have never guessed it. I was the happiest person you had ever met. Inside, I was in agony. The only real sign was my writing. Which I didn’t even know was a sign. I didn’t really let anyone read, but the few that did were like, ‘wow, we need to get you some help.’ I really had no idea how sad I was.
So enough about me; I guess I am looking at his project like a contemporary art piece. This is what I get from it. Which really makes me think twice about how we look at art. It’s important that people can relate to it, regardless if that’s what you meant or not. I mean, kind of like R.E.M songs. Most of the time you have no idea was Michael Stipes is saying, but you feel it. He could be singing about how chicken shit is stinky, who knows, but you feel it. Art speaks to us, but only when we can hear it. When it relates to us, when it’s something we understand and can comprehend. That’s what we are missing in this class: Relatability. If we could relate the Art 21 stuff to ourselves, it would be meaningful to us. Maybe the class doesn’t know itself. If we did then we could appreciate the class more. I understand the ‘it works if you work it’ argument, but I don’t, personally, feel that is the case. We need to have commonality in the class. We haven’t even gotten an opportunity to really get to know each other. After today, I now officially know one more person’s name…, which takes me up to maybe knowing 5 people’s name. Maybe. I think we need to know secrets. If we could take off for a while around the building, right down a secret, then through it in a hat. Random people draw it out of the hat and read it aloud, or something.
So I’m going on track. The moral of the story, I would give Freak an “A”. Regardless if it had much meaning for him, I think it had a very deep meaning to me. In my eyes, it seemed like it was a pretty naked moment. The beauty of it all, is that it doesn’t really matter what he meant, because I get to own it now…. We all do. Like deleting Damon’s art. We all own that experience. We are the only one’s that know what was there.
Initially I wasn’t really sure how to take Freak’s assignment. How do you grade someone on his or her representation of his or her self? I sat down on a picnic table to think about it a little longer. I tore a small piece of paper out of my notebook and wrote on it, “How can no one leave a mark?”
I then started thinking more and more about what he had to say. I didn’t really agree with what he said. I feel like he will probably be the most memorable person from the class. Ten years down the road I’ll be talking about this course that bored me to death. I will remember nothing except, “There was this guy, we called him Freak…”
Anyway, I really started to look deeper into his project. Then it started to make since to me. I’m sure it probably wasn’t intentional, but there was quite a bit of symbolism in his project. I think inside he might really feel like he is ‘no one.’ Maybe that’s something that he wants to ball up and bury deep inside of him. Maybe he’s had to deal with other’s telling him that he is ‘no one’. Which seems so different from the Freak we see in class. He seems extremely confident in himself and fearless. Not in the sense that he would try to cut someone, more in the sense that you would need to watch what you dare him to do because it’s as good as done. That’s why it was hard for me to agree with him when he said he was ‘no one’. The Freak we see in class is certainly full of life and seemingly self-assured.
When I take it all in, and try to analyze, it makes sense to me. If this project is really Joshua Ahrens on paper, then this was a very real project. What the project says to me is that Joshua has a low self-image of himself and Freak overcompensates.
Maybe I am completely wrong, but that’s what I think. It’s possible, however, that I see it in that sense, because I relate to it. When I was younger I was extremely depressed, eventually I was standing on the suicidal line. On the outside, you would have never guessed it. I was the happiest person you had ever met. Inside, I was in agony. The only real sign was my writing. Which I didn’t even know was a sign. I didn’t really let anyone read, but the few that did were like, ‘wow, we need to get you some help.’ I really had no idea how sad I was.
So enough about me; I guess I am looking at his project like a contemporary art piece. This is what I get from it. Which really makes me think twice about how we look at art. It’s important that people can relate to it, regardless if that’s what you meant or not. I mean, kind of like R.E.M songs. Most of the time you have no idea was Michael Stipes is saying, but you feel it. He could be singing about how chicken shit is stinky, who knows, but you feel it. Art speaks to us, but only when we can hear it. When it relates to us, when it’s something we understand and can comprehend. That’s what we are missing in this class: Relatability. If we could relate the Art 21 stuff to ourselves, it would be meaningful to us. Maybe the class doesn’t know itself. If we did then we could appreciate the class more. I understand the ‘it works if you work it’ argument, but I don’t, personally, feel that is the case. We need to have commonality in the class. We haven’t even gotten an opportunity to really get to know each other. After today, I now officially know one more person’s name…, which takes me up to maybe knowing 5 people’s name. Maybe. I think we need to know secrets. If we could take off for a while around the building, right down a secret, then through it in a hat. Random people draw it out of the hat and read it aloud, or something.
So I’m going on track. The moral of the story, I would give Freak an “A”. Regardless if it had much meaning for him, I think it had a very deep meaning to me. In my eyes, it seemed like it was a pretty naked moment. The beauty of it all, is that it doesn’t really matter what he meant, because I get to own it now…. We all do. Like deleting Damon’s art. We all own that experience. We are the only one’s that know what was there.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
3-31 class
I try, I really do, but I really hate this class. I just don't get why it gets under my skin so much.
In yesterday's class, I really appreciated the smaller groups. I got to talk to a few more people. I started to better understand the personalities of a few of the students. I gained more respect for the individuals in the class. I had fun. I also appreciated the opportunity to have others get to know me a little bit better. Now, there are at least 2 people who don't think I'm a jackass. LOL. That's progress. LOL.
The age gap frustrates me. I think if I would have taken this class in the summer I would have probably liked it a little better. Summer session students seem to be a little more mature I have noticed. Someone made the comment, "I remember the 80's," then went on to say, "I'm 23." Really? What do you remember, shitting in your diaper? I can't relate to, what seems to be, a majority of the class. In reality, I think it's just some of the more vocal students that I can't relate to. When I hear some of the things said in the class I think, "Wow, I really can't be bother to continue to listen to what you are saying... or will say in the future, i think I have maxed out on you." Then I think, "Maybe I really do hate people." LMAO. Which certainly isn't truthful. I'm honest, extremely honest... and vocal I suppose. To my girlfriend, that I tell everything to, she thinks I don't like people because of the comments I make. Well, I don't know if she really feels that way, but she occasionally tells me that... right after I have finished telling her about how someone really bothers me of course. In most cases, it's the same people. As a whole, I really love people... but I do continued to be placed in situations with people I don't like. That's life. The thing is, I have no problem admitting and accepting that I don't like someone.
Maybe that's the difference. In class yesterday when I saw the sketch I wanted to comment on it. I didn't like it. I thought it was a failed attempt. His sketch communicated a lot less than the gentleman's video did before him. However, because you expressed your feelings then everyone else decided they needed to lick his ass as well. Everyone runs with your ideas or notions. In my head I was thinking, wow, this is like every other class but worse. In most classes, the majority of students have no interest in trying to agree with the instructor. It seems like they want to disagree just for the sake of defying authority. Not in this class though. I guess people don't feel comfortable in what they are supposed to do or something... so they just try to align with you. I mean, why were we talking about how this guy's personal onion sketch could be turned into a website?
Why do we need to repeat the same things that someone said right before us? Are we really that stuck on ourselves to think that us saying it means so much more. "Maybe you didn't get it when the 6 people before me said it, but I am going to really bring it home." What is that about. I feel like I have an opinion on everything but I only speak with no one else will or when I feel I have a contradictory opinion to voice.
If the goal is to create a lot of little Beth Lykins, then I think the class is a success. Free thinking has long left the station.
In yesterday's class, I really appreciated the smaller groups. I got to talk to a few more people. I started to better understand the personalities of a few of the students. I gained more respect for the individuals in the class. I had fun. I also appreciated the opportunity to have others get to know me a little bit better. Now, there are at least 2 people who don't think I'm a jackass. LOL. That's progress. LOL.
The age gap frustrates me. I think if I would have taken this class in the summer I would have probably liked it a little better. Summer session students seem to be a little more mature I have noticed. Someone made the comment, "I remember the 80's," then went on to say, "I'm 23." Really? What do you remember, shitting in your diaper? I can't relate to, what seems to be, a majority of the class. In reality, I think it's just some of the more vocal students that I can't relate to. When I hear some of the things said in the class I think, "Wow, I really can't be bother to continue to listen to what you are saying... or will say in the future, i think I have maxed out on you." Then I think, "Maybe I really do hate people." LMAO. Which certainly isn't truthful. I'm honest, extremely honest... and vocal I suppose. To my girlfriend, that I tell everything to, she thinks I don't like people because of the comments I make. Well, I don't know if she really feels that way, but she occasionally tells me that... right after I have finished telling her about how someone really bothers me of course. In most cases, it's the same people. As a whole, I really love people... but I do continued to be placed in situations with people I don't like. That's life. The thing is, I have no problem admitting and accepting that I don't like someone.
Maybe that's the difference. In class yesterday when I saw the sketch I wanted to comment on it. I didn't like it. I thought it was a failed attempt. His sketch communicated a lot less than the gentleman's video did before him. However, because you expressed your feelings then everyone else decided they needed to lick his ass as well. Everyone runs with your ideas or notions. In my head I was thinking, wow, this is like every other class but worse. In most classes, the majority of students have no interest in trying to agree with the instructor. It seems like they want to disagree just for the sake of defying authority. Not in this class though. I guess people don't feel comfortable in what they are supposed to do or something... so they just try to align with you. I mean, why were we talking about how this guy's personal onion sketch could be turned into a website?
Why do we need to repeat the same things that someone said right before us? Are we really that stuck on ourselves to think that us saying it means so much more. "Maybe you didn't get it when the 6 people before me said it, but I am going to really bring it home." What is that about. I feel like I have an opinion on everything but I only speak with no one else will or when I feel I have a contradictory opinion to voice.
If the goal is to create a lot of little Beth Lykins, then I think the class is a success. Free thinking has long left the station.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
This is Bliss?
So I never could make time to do my bliss assignment. I took Monday off of work to finish to my bliss assignment before class, because I didn't want to miss class to do the bliss assignment. Then I realized that I didn't need to take time off of work, because class had been canceled. It was too late, I had already taken the day off... but oh well. Ginny was working, I feel like my bliss probably involves her. I'm not really sure what makes me happy, but I am certainly happy with her. I figured I would hang out with Ginny after she was off of work to complete the assignment, but she had class. So I had talked to my friend Logan and we were going to go shopping. Shopping is usually not a blissful time for me, however I had just gotten my taxes back and a short-term incentive from work. The moral of the story, I had quite a bit of money that didn't have to go anywhere. It's better spending money in those moments. Anyway, Logan ended up getting called into work. So it was just me. I ended up getting some pretty cool stuff. I got some awesome deals. I also ended up finding two things I have been searching for. Ironically they were underwear. So yeah. I bought work clothes, underwear, chocolate for my girlfriend, and a vegetarian cookbook that I will likely never use. It wasn't really blissful at all, so I plan on making another attempt at it. This weekend Ginny and I are off of work. We plan on hitting up Chicago for the weekend. I think it's going to be a good weekend. I have a little something up my sleeve. Yeah, I think I'll have at least 2-3 hours of bliss.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Midterm quesions
What has been the single best aspect of this class thus far?
I think it's been seeing my classmates for the people they are, or possess inside, as opposed to the people I think them to be. I think we have some really gifted, really determined, really pissed-off students in the class. Regardless if I agree or disagree, you have to admire their strength, commitment and dedication. I don't know if I would have the courage to tell everyone what I believe religiously, to delete a creation I haven't seen, or to talk about racism as a white person. That takes... balls, big ones, Like REALLY BIG BALLS! I consider myself to be a liberal, free-spirited type of person. My fellow students at IUPUI usually leave me discouraged. I hear people say things, or watch them do something and think.... "Really? Seriously!" The slogan of the month appears to be "It takes all kinds," I can't seem to escape it; but it's true. It does take all kinds. I just don't expect to see all kinds in so many places. Last Thursday Ginny, our friend Logan, and myself went to a Thai restaurant that a mutual friend had recommended. It was buffet night, which was strange to begin with... but it got even stranger. We were surrounded by white people, in Indianapolis, at a Thai restaurant. This never happens! I mainly eat ethnic foods these days, and the restaurants are never ALL WHITE. It was strange. Not only was there little color in the place, but there was little space. This place was packed with people, big ones, and lots of them. I know it sounds like I am being mean, but I am not passing judgment. I am just trying to create a visual. Picture the Golden Corral crowd at a small Thai restaurant... it just doesn't fit. I took two things from that experience. One, buffets bring people together, build bridges and mend fences. If we could buffet the world, all of our problems would be solved. Two, people will always surprise me. The redneck Hoosier pallet is much more sophisticated than I had originally believed. And yes ladies and gentlemen, "it takes all kinds." All joking aside. The Thai buffet is a meeting in the middle. For someone that has never experienced something, a buffet concept is perfect. You are not obligated to one particular thing, and we will give you endless options. It's a Thai hand outreached, then accepted by an American grip. I thing this class is like that. Seeing Sideways is the buffet of New Media. Hopefully we will all leave the course a little more open-minded*.
*Food baby optional
What is the single most important thing you want to walk away with from this class?
I feel like the nature of this class is not to see things ‘sideways’ but more to open your mind. For me, I feel like I already work hard to keep my heart and mind open. To be willing to step outside of my comfort zone and accepting of things that are beyond me and my comprehension. I feel like this course is more empowering then it is described to be. Essentially it’s designed to make us better people, and hopefully that will carry over to our working lives. It encourages us to walk away from stifling situations. This class is the glimpse into what our lives/careers could be. We’ve learned the rules, now break them and do what you want. My freshman English teacher was amazing; I will never forget that guy. Mr. Baize, he looked just like Mark Twain. He was one wiry guy, amazingly passionate about reading creative writing. He gave A+++’s because some work was just that good. He was so motivating because he would get so excited about writer’s creating their own work. He taught us that we needed to first learn the rules, and then break as many as possible. Essentially you need to play by the rules to earn the respect, than you’ll earn the freedom to do what you want. I feel like I at that place with my New Media experience. I have learned essential skills and techniques. However, through learning those skills and techniques, I have also learned that I have no desire to have a New Media-based career. However, if I pick up what I have learned about myself in this course, and run with it... who knows what the future might bring? This weekend Ginny and I went to Columbus, OH... because Ginny needed "to get out of Indianapolis". We found this really awesome 32-room book store (http://www.bookloft.com/). While in this store I found this book, 500 Wedding Rings (http://www.larkbooks.com/catalog?isbn=1600590543), which Ginny and I basically perused from back to front. Marriage seems to be something in our near future, and we are a different type of people.... so of course we need a different type of ring. Anyway, on the way back to Indy we were talking about the rings. How some were just absurd and not at all practical, but we really appreciated the art aspect. That then lead me to the 'other' art... ya know, the kind of art you never will do in your average art class. I appreciate that kind of art, I don't always know what to do with it... but I appreciate its creativity. I hope that's what New Media will become for me. I hope I will make it my own, because we aren't really taught to do that. We are taught how to please a client, and how to recreate... but I don't want to recreate I want to create. To have something all my own. I want New Media to be enjoyable for me. I have seen outside work in other classes that basically tells me the creator work very hard to make something to surpass or match everything else that is out there. I want to create things on a new plane, or totally different direction. On the tree of New Media work, I want to be the roots. I want to continue to strive and grow... but I want it to be completely independent of what the 'field' is doing. I really just want to do it for myself... to have the love back... or at least the enjoyment.
I think it's been seeing my classmates for the people they are, or possess inside, as opposed to the people I think them to be. I think we have some really gifted, really determined, really pissed-off students in the class. Regardless if I agree or disagree, you have to admire their strength, commitment and dedication. I don't know if I would have the courage to tell everyone what I believe religiously, to delete a creation I haven't seen, or to talk about racism as a white person. That takes... balls, big ones, Like REALLY BIG BALLS! I consider myself to be a liberal, free-spirited type of person. My fellow students at IUPUI usually leave me discouraged. I hear people say things, or watch them do something and think.... "Really? Seriously!" The slogan of the month appears to be "It takes all kinds," I can't seem to escape it; but it's true. It does take all kinds. I just don't expect to see all kinds in so many places. Last Thursday Ginny, our friend Logan, and myself went to a Thai restaurant that a mutual friend had recommended. It was buffet night, which was strange to begin with... but it got even stranger. We were surrounded by white people, in Indianapolis, at a Thai restaurant. This never happens! I mainly eat ethnic foods these days, and the restaurants are never ALL WHITE. It was strange. Not only was there little color in the place, but there was little space. This place was packed with people, big ones, and lots of them. I know it sounds like I am being mean, but I am not passing judgment. I am just trying to create a visual. Picture the Golden Corral crowd at a small Thai restaurant... it just doesn't fit. I took two things from that experience. One, buffets bring people together, build bridges and mend fences. If we could buffet the world, all of our problems would be solved. Two, people will always surprise me. The redneck Hoosier pallet is much more sophisticated than I had originally believed. And yes ladies and gentlemen, "it takes all kinds." All joking aside. The Thai buffet is a meeting in the middle. For someone that has never experienced something, a buffet concept is perfect. You are not obligated to one particular thing, and we will give you endless options. It's a Thai hand outreached, then accepted by an American grip. I thing this class is like that. Seeing Sideways is the buffet of New Media. Hopefully we will all leave the course a little more open-minded*.
*Food baby optional
What is the single most important thing you want to walk away with from this class?
I feel like the nature of this class is not to see things ‘sideways’ but more to open your mind. For me, I feel like I already work hard to keep my heart and mind open. To be willing to step outside of my comfort zone and accepting of things that are beyond me and my comprehension. I feel like this course is more empowering then it is described to be. Essentially it’s designed to make us better people, and hopefully that will carry over to our working lives. It encourages us to walk away from stifling situations. This class is the glimpse into what our lives/careers could be. We’ve learned the rules, now break them and do what you want. My freshman English teacher was amazing; I will never forget that guy. Mr. Baize, he looked just like Mark Twain. He was one wiry guy, amazingly passionate about reading creative writing. He gave A+++’s because some work was just that good. He was so motivating because he would get so excited about writer’s creating their own work. He taught us that we needed to first learn the rules, and then break as many as possible. Essentially you need to play by the rules to earn the respect, than you’ll earn the freedom to do what you want. I feel like I at that place with my New Media experience. I have learned essential skills and techniques. However, through learning those skills and techniques, I have also learned that I have no desire to have a New Media-based career. However, if I pick up what I have learned about myself in this course, and run with it... who knows what the future might bring? This weekend Ginny and I went to Columbus, OH... because Ginny needed "to get out of Indianapolis". We found this really awesome 32-room book store (http://www.bookloft.com/). While in this store I found this book, 500 Wedding Rings (http://www.larkbooks.com/catalog?isbn=1600590543), which Ginny and I basically perused from back to front. Marriage seems to be something in our near future, and we are a different type of people.... so of course we need a different type of ring. Anyway, on the way back to Indy we were talking about the rings. How some were just absurd and not at all practical, but we really appreciated the art aspect. That then lead me to the 'other' art... ya know, the kind of art you never will do in your average art class. I appreciate that kind of art, I don't always know what to do with it... but I appreciate its creativity. I hope that's what New Media will become for me. I hope I will make it my own, because we aren't really taught to do that. We are taught how to please a client, and how to recreate... but I don't want to recreate I want to create. To have something all my own. I want New Media to be enjoyable for me. I have seen outside work in other classes that basically tells me the creator work very hard to make something to surpass or match everything else that is out there. I want to create things on a new plane, or totally different direction. On the tree of New Media work, I want to be the roots. I want to continue to strive and grow... but I want it to be completely independent of what the 'field' is doing. I really just want to do it for myself... to have the love back... or at least the enjoyment.
Monday, March 3, 2008
I sense pain, fear, and someone watching
I decided to close my eyes and type. More often then not, I rely on my vision when on the computer. I don't do a whole lot with sound for the majority of my computer work. This is what I came up with.....
"I am having trouble relazing my eyes. The fan from my laptop is extrememly loud. My dog is making noises with her mousth. I hear cars outside. I feel as if there is a small current of electricity flowing through my fingers as they sit on home row. I feel like I can’t relaz my eyes and focus my other senses at the same time. My house is creaking in. The fense across the street is shaking. I hear sirens. It’s a little shilly. The window must be vlowing pretty strong to make the chain link fence sjakes. I hear a car approaching, I wonder how far away it is. It seems to be in the distrance. II just took my finders off of home row. I left my eyes closed and tried to find the row agaoin. I wanted to see if I could feel the ssame current on different rows. I could. I found home row by reliixing that my laptop has pretty noticableestentions on two of the keys. Keeping my eyes closed actually hurts wuite a bit even thought I am trying to relax."
The big thing about this is I realized how visual I am. Even when I am trying to not be, my eyes continued to move. As if I had no control over them. When I tried to relax my face and eyes, my eyes would start to open. So I had to quint, which really made my face and eyes hurt. I was pretty taken back by what my eyes were doing. It really seemed like they were fighting to stay alive.
To examine my visual tendencies some more, I blindfolded myself and did some things around the house. First I got up and headed toward the bedroom with my eyes closed. Even though I feel comfortable in my house, and confident where things are my heart immediately started to race. I could feel my heartbeat in my throat. I was being more cautious. It took me much longer to move through the rooms than it normally would. Due to the caution, I was no longer confident where things were. I had to lift my hands up to make sure I wasn't going to run into a wall. Once in the bedroom, I found a handkerchief that I used as a blindfold. I then went to the restroom, which was a very interesting experience... once that I think I will spare you... for the most part. Figuring out if the lid is up or down, can be interesting. If you don't check you could end up going to the bathroom all over the place, or yourself. If you do check, you could end up with a wet hand. Additionally, I learned that I would not use Charmin if I were blind. I had a hell of a time just trying to find the end of the paper, because Charmin sticks to itself. I then needed to finish filling up our Brita pitcher that I had left in the sink from earlier. I stuck my finger on the fill line and turned on the water. I didn't know until the pitcher was almost full that I was using hot water. If I were blind I would probably prefer two separate water knobs as opposed to the singular control that is found in many kitchens. I had no issue getting the pitcher back to the fridge. I did, however, think about how difficult it would be to find the food that I wanted if I were blind. Cooking relies heavily on look. What about variety. In my cheese drawer will often have various types of sliced cheese, among other various cheeses. However, how would I know which slice cheese I wanted to put on my sandwich. What about frozen dinners or boxed meals. Would it always be a surprise? After I was finished in the kitchen I decided to play the drums. I realized my drums actually sound pretty good. I listen to the drums in various music I listen to and thing wow, their kit sounds amazing. I now realize that mine actually sounds pretty good as well. I think I play a little more deliberately when I am blindfolded. I play through the drums instead of to them. I was comfortable and enjoying myself until I started to think about the possibility of someone watching me. I was alone, but my drums are close to the front door, and we have 3 little windows in the door... so someone could be watching me. I felt like there was someone right in front of my face. My head continued to reel with the possibilities before I had successfully freaked the shit out of myself and had to rip the blindfold off.
"I am having trouble relazing my eyes. The fan from my laptop is extrememly loud. My dog is making noises with her mousth. I hear cars outside. I feel as if there is a small current of electricity flowing through my fingers as they sit on home row. I feel like I can’t relaz my eyes and focus my other senses at the same time. My house is creaking in. The fense across the street is shaking. I hear sirens. It’s a little shilly. The window must be vlowing pretty strong to make the chain link fence sjakes. I hear a car approaching, I wonder how far away it is. It seems to be in the distrance. II just took my finders off of home row. I left my eyes closed and tried to find the row agaoin. I wanted to see if I could feel the ssame current on different rows. I could. I found home row by reliixing that my laptop has pretty noticableestentions on two of the keys. Keeping my eyes closed actually hurts wuite a bit even thought I am trying to relax."
The big thing about this is I realized how visual I am. Even when I am trying to not be, my eyes continued to move. As if I had no control over them. When I tried to relax my face and eyes, my eyes would start to open. So I had to quint, which really made my face and eyes hurt. I was pretty taken back by what my eyes were doing. It really seemed like they were fighting to stay alive.
To examine my visual tendencies some more, I blindfolded myself and did some things around the house. First I got up and headed toward the bedroom with my eyes closed. Even though I feel comfortable in my house, and confident where things are my heart immediately started to race. I could feel my heartbeat in my throat. I was being more cautious. It took me much longer to move through the rooms than it normally would. Due to the caution, I was no longer confident where things were. I had to lift my hands up to make sure I wasn't going to run into a wall. Once in the bedroom, I found a handkerchief that I used as a blindfold. I then went to the restroom, which was a very interesting experience... once that I think I will spare you... for the most part. Figuring out if the lid is up or down, can be interesting. If you don't check you could end up going to the bathroom all over the place, or yourself. If you do check, you could end up with a wet hand. Additionally, I learned that I would not use Charmin if I were blind. I had a hell of a time just trying to find the end of the paper, because Charmin sticks to itself. I then needed to finish filling up our Brita pitcher that I had left in the sink from earlier. I stuck my finger on the fill line and turned on the water. I didn't know until the pitcher was almost full that I was using hot water. If I were blind I would probably prefer two separate water knobs as opposed to the singular control that is found in many kitchens. I had no issue getting the pitcher back to the fridge. I did, however, think about how difficult it would be to find the food that I wanted if I were blind. Cooking relies heavily on look. What about variety. In my cheese drawer will often have various types of sliced cheese, among other various cheeses. However, how would I know which slice cheese I wanted to put on my sandwich. What about frozen dinners or boxed meals. Would it always be a surprise? After I was finished in the kitchen I decided to play the drums. I realized my drums actually sound pretty good. I listen to the drums in various music I listen to and thing wow, their kit sounds amazing. I now realize that mine actually sounds pretty good as well. I think I play a little more deliberately when I am blindfolded. I play through the drums instead of to them. I was comfortable and enjoying myself until I started to think about the possibility of someone watching me. I was alone, but my drums are close to the front door, and we have 3 little windows in the door... so someone could be watching me. I felt like there was someone right in front of my face. My head continued to reel with the possibilities before I had successfully freaked the shit out of myself and had to rip the blindfold off.
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